NANCY AND MICHAEL'S ETIQUETTE GUIDE TO WALKING IN LOS ANGELES DURING COVID
/In 1975 on my first trip to New York City, I was walking at night down Broadway around 44th Street when I bumped into a big, muscular black guy about 40 years old, maybe 6’, 3”, 230. We both stopped and looked at each other for two seconds and - during that very long period of time - I thought to myself. “I am about to get my ass kicked.”
But, then he said something I never forgot and, to this day, honor. “Can’t you even say ‘excuse me?’’’
From that day on, I bump into you, I say “excuse me.” And I expect that of you. But, now, with Covid all over the place, the act of humans bumping into each other has vanished. Respect on the city’s sidewalks has undergone a transformation to a behavior that would’ve been considered beyond meek if deployed eight weeks ago.
Anyway, Nancy Silverton and Michael Krikorian have published the first ever Covid Etiquette Guide to Walking in Los Angeles. Here’s a preview
SOCIAL DISTANCING aka “TAILGATING” The figure most bandied about for “Social Distancing” is six feet. But, when walking toward each other in Los Angeles six feet is practically grinding. Five feet? Gimme a break. And four feet? Hell, might as well get a room. The proper social distance in walking in L.A. is 10 feet. Bare minimum. That’s cutting it. On our morning walk, Nancy and see some ”Eyes” (see #2) at 100, we move to the street.
BUTTS or EYES - Coined by Nancy, this term is essential to walking in L.A.. “Butts of Eyes” is the first thing you should think and -if you are walking with someone - say out loud when you first see a human being on the same side of the sidewalk as you. If you can make out a “Butt,” that likely means they are walking in your same direction. But, if your see “Eyes”’ that means they are coming at you and pose a potential problem. Remember if you are given the choice, - not that you are - but Butts are preferable to Eyes.
MASKS - Wear them. If you are the only one on a block, then sure, it’s fine to pull it down. But, mainly out of courtesy, put it back on when you see some “Eyes” within, say, 50 feet. The best thing about wearing a mask is that glorious moment when you take it off and inhale fresh air. That first breath is one of the wonders of the world. We’ve been taking it pretty much for granted. It needs more recognition. I just looked it up and today, May 21, is, among other things, National Strawberries and Cream Day. May 26th is National Paper Airplane Day. Breathing should have a year. A decade. Breathing should have it’s own century.
THE RIGHT OF WAY - The most crucial element of Walking in L.A. Etiquette is the Right of Way. This is the who “gets’ to stay on the sidewalk when those “Eyes” are coming at you and who detours to the street. Families of three or more, they stay on the sidewalk. Old people, they get to stay. Anyone with a baby stroller, they can remain on the sidewalk. Even people walking a dog. The truth be told, Nancy and I have not only grown accustomed to seeing people walking toward us and making the left slant to the street, but we like it. It adds some zig-zag, a touch of Gale Sayers to the walk. And as far as distance, we don’t play around. This is not a game of chicken like in “Rebel Without A Cause” when James Dean drives his Mercury ‘49 at an oncoming car and the first one to veer off is the “chicken”. Like I said above, we cut over when oncoming traffic is within 100 feet. Sometimes even 200. Also, be extra caareful on “Blind Corners”, where you can’t see who, if anybody, is coming around you. Be extra prepared to Gale Sayers at this potentially precarious moment.
TRAFFIC LIGHTS - Respect them on big streets, but, on smaller streets - such as on our walk, Arden and Rosewood, you can disregard them. When we come to a red traffic light. we make a cursory look for automobiles. but since there are so few these days, we ignore the red lights. No cop in Los Angeles is giving out jaywalking tickets these days.
MEANDERING - Outlawed Move it. Don’t just wander around like that blonde with the dog a couple days ago. You know who you were, lady. With your lazy dog who was laying down on the sidewalk and barking orders to you. Didn’t even have a mask on or around your neck. Idiot.
RUNNERS - Stay in the street. Wear a mask, it will improve your running. Do not even think about coughing. (See #8)
COUGHING - Hey, public coughers. Go home. No one wants to be around you. No one wanted to be around you last year, either.
COURTESY - If some moves out to the street before you do, say “Thank you”. That’s all you gotta say. And if you’re too tired to say that, then just say “Thanks”. If you do the moving to the street and someone says “Thank you” to you - they probably won’t - but if they do, say something like “Your welcome”.
And when that wonderful day returns when you bump into someone on the sidewalk, remember what that guy said to me on Broadway 45 years ago. I am so looking forward to saying “excuse me”.
