The Steak Sandwich With Nothing Else To Compare It To

Nancy just left for the nightly 6:30 wine drinking session at the Piazza Umberto in Panicale. I'm alone at the house, writing intensely  and the door bell rings. It's Pina, the-across-the-street neighbor, holding a foil-covered tray with two pot holders. Speaking exuberantly with her beaming smile. the only words I understand are "foccacia", "formaggio" and "caldo"; hot cheese bread.

She places the tray down near the fireplace. She leaves. I get a knife,

As I'm cutting into this lovely creation, this unexpected joy that comes to the front door, this most neighborly of gestures, I realize what I have in the blue Smeg refrigerator; yesterday's steak. A steak from Dario Cecchini that I grilled last night. Possessed now, i stuff the steak into the foccacia, knife on a little Parmigiano-Reggiano. I bite into this steak sandwich. 

There have been many astonishing occurrences since recorded history began.  I've always marveled at how Alexander the Great conqueror most of the world. That first moon landing with both Louis and Neil Armstrong was thrilling. I cherish an early morning moment, captured by photographer Tom Caltabiano, with Nancy in Paris.

Was this steak sandwich in that league? No. Not even. But, since I can't think of any other sandwich to compare it to, I'd just thought i'd mention a few of my favorite things.

Here's John Coltrane's version :of "My Favorite Things" https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qWG2dsXV5HI

***  Ferrari just came out with their greatest road car ever, the million-dollar-plus, 950-horsepower hyper car called simply LaFerrari. I'm gonna call this LaSteak Sandwich.

The just released  La Steak Sandwich.

The just released  La Steak Sandwich.



 

An American in Verona; Italy 2014 Off To Fastest Start Ever

The Italy MMXIV extravaganza got off to a blistering start as the intrepid duo of chef Nancy Silverton and driver Michael Krikorian zoomed around northern Italy in a nearly frenzied fashion, dining at six restaurants in the first 57 hours and amassing seven Pirelli stars in the process. 

Rebounding from last year's Italy adventure, where, in the first three days,  the two came close to being banned by the International Dining Federation, Group Formula One for disastrous restaurant and menu selections, this year's saw the couple deftly weave a blazing trail of dining satisfaction.

The First Report:

The first lunch, haphazardly selected as we rented a red Factory Fiat at Milan's Malpensa airport was a place we had never heard of until it was vigorously promoted by fabric mogul - and friend - Jason Asch as the "best of the best" in this entire region.  Me, I'm thinking what the heck does the fabric guy know about the "best of the best'? Turns out, he was right. 

Located in Brusaporto, a few kilometers east of our home base of Bergamo, Da Vittorio is one of the most celebrated restaurants in Italy, one of 11 in the nation with three Pirelli stars. 

But, even while seated in Da Vittorio's charming garden and handed menus we still don't know this. However, it soon dawns on us we are somewhere special. The impeccable service, the bread tray, the amuse, all have us baffled. 

"Is this a three star?" Nancy asks.

"I don't know. It sure seems like it, right?"

Then my pasta comes and it's all over. A half of lobster nestled against some long strands of pasta that is so good I close my eyes for over three seconds.

We split a main course of lamb loin that is of a rarefied quality.

At the table next to ours, a family of four are just about giddy as the youngest,  a girl of 14, 15 or so, gets her main; a wooden platter about two feet by two feet mostly covered with Da Vittorio's salivating take of veal Milanese.  Her family takes a picture of her with chef Enrico Cerea and the platter topped with lemon wedges. even  take a picture of her and the chef. Later, when another platter appears I say "Enrico, it's for the girl." Everyone laughs.  It's that type of three star. 

We leave,  just a few hours after landing in Italy, thinking we mighta already had the meal of the trip.

** 

Four of our next five meals are at Pirelli one stars. They're all very good. Here, briefly, are some highlights. 

Our first dinner was Osteria della Brughiera in Villa d'Alme, highly recommend by Philly chef Jeff Michaud.  We dined outside again, this time with thunder and lightening putting on a dazzling performance. Milk-cooked pork loin was a highlight.

The next night was at another Jeff Michaud joint called  Frosio in Alme. It was superb. A report on a single bite might be coming soon. But, maybe not. so I'll just say it was a quail with mashed potatoes porcini and foie gras.

By the way, if you ever go to Bergamo, we very highly recommend staying at the Hotel Petronilla in the old city. The room was tight - even had a leather love seat that resembled a Mel Ott glove  - and the manger, Uta, a charmer. About 140 euro a night.

The next day, we drive on in the red Factory Fiat - by now called the "Crimson Glide" - about 90 minutes east to the city Verona, which, to my delight - and surprise - is named after a server at Pizzeria Mozza.   

We go to another one star called, Osteria Fontanina which on this day did two covers for lunch, both who you probably know. I had a "cappuccino" of peas and cod, which as bad as that sounds, well, if you're out that way, give it a shot. 

The last one star was a place outside of Bologna called Amerigo 1934 in Savigno where we went twice last year and might go back this year. That satisfying. Nancy had goat,  I had rabbit, but the highlight, as it was last year,  was a simple dish or tortellini with cream, Parmesan and prosciutto. So good.  We spent the night at one of their five delightful rooms. 80 euro a night.

***

But, back to Verona.  I gotta tell you about this rain storm there. .Nancy is at a clothing store, some high-end little boutique and she's buying a particularly lovely  dress, and a scarf.  So they need her passport to get this special tax deal at the airport. Don't ask. They just need the passport. Thing is the passport is in the Crimson Glide parked underground about 3/4 of a kilometer away.

How much you save with the passport? After some computer digging, turns out 55 euro. 

"I'll go get it."

I start walking, get about 50 meters and a monsoon not dropped since the Second Crusades hurls down from the skies. It's like Zeus has hired 10,000 day laborers to spill buckets of water on downtown Verona. The throngs on the narrow main, pedestrian-only street rush to the meager awnings of the stores like they are avoiding a drone strike. Pakistanis mysteriously appear selling five-euro umbrellas. I walk on, determined to get that passport, determined to do what no human being would do for Nancy under these conditions.  Tourist stare at me. They'll have a story for the folks back in Dusseldorf. "This man, had to be an American. was happily walking through the deluge like he was Gene Kelly."

Past Verona's Coliseum, (a very nice one, indeed, if a bit rustic), past the main square, past some arch that's gotta be famous, I make it  to the parking structure, three, four kilos of rains attached to my dark sports coat. I find the passport and begin the journey back. I buy a five-euro umbrella from a guy from Karachi. Yeah, I asked, 'Where you from?"

I open it, but it's so flimsy, I fear it might be ripped to shreds before I can hold it for Nancy on the walk back so I close and walk in the rain holding a closed blue-plaid umbrella. .

By now, no one see this as the streets are abandoned.  The place has an eerie feeling, like East St. Louis on a dreary Sunday morning.  With all the water attached to my sopping clothes. I must be nearly 97 kilos.

The rains ease off. It's still coming down, but it's not as angry. I make it to this boutique. The workers look at me like I just emerged from a lagoon. We do the paper work. We leave. 

On the walk back to the car, I hold the umbrella for the lady. I tell her my tale of the walk to get the passport. She says "I know you're the only one who would have done that for me."

A girl and her 3 Star Milanese with chef Enrico Cerea

A girl and her 3 Star Milanese with chef Enrico Cerea


City of Los Angeles Proclaims May 30th "Nancy Silverton Day"

The City of Los Angeles officially proclaimed today, May 30th to be "Nancy Silverton Day", capping off a storybook month that began when she won the James Beard Foundation Award four weeks ago for Outstanding Chef in the United States.

The declaration, at the end of a very long City Council meeting,  was  presented to Silverton by Councilman Paul Koretz, who  - along with Councilmembers Ton LaBonge and Herb J. Wesson, Jr. -  lavished so many superlatives on the revered Mozza owner an outsider would have thought she had solved the traffic problem in town.

Silverton, as always, cool and sharp, in sunglasses and Marni, took the award and thanked her co-workers at Mozzas in Los Angeles, Newport Beach, Singapore, Stalingrad, and San Diego, as well as Chi Spacca.

"There are hundreds of people who help me everyday, working hard to hopefully make your day a better day," said Silverton, who was accompanied by her father, Larry, and her driver, Juan Manuel Fangio, who sped to the nearest trademark office to register that quote.

"i'm really honored to get this "Day" because it recognizes what an important industry I belong to," said Nancy, who, only two weeks ago, in a worldwide poll, came in 2nd place to Muhammad Ali as the most beloved person living on Earth. "The restaurant industry provides jobs to thousands and thousands of people. The joy of people have in eating our food, well, it's important to the spirit and life of our city."

Yeah, everybody, it's officially Nancy Silverton Day!  For me, that's just about everyday.

365

365

  


Hector Lopez, Inventor of Term "SHAOOUU!", Retires From Mozza

After seven and half years, Hector Lopez,  one of the original team members of Osteria Mozza, will suit up for the last time tonight as he retires after a mysterious career that had most fellow workers wondering the same thing: "Just what did Hector actually do here, other than be happy?"

"Hector is a joy to be around, and I love his saying, that Shaoouuu!  thing," said Mozza chef and owner Nancy Silverton. "i'm kinda busy, but, just remind me.  What did he do here?"

A Mozza chef, Derek McCabe, was stunned to hear that today (Tuesday 5/27) would be Hector's last day.

"I thought he left a month ago," McCabe said in a text message to Krikorian Writes.

Lopez. from the city of Orizaha in the Mexican state of Vera Cruz. is perhaps best known for his jubilant proclamation of "SHAOOUUU!" ( CHAOOUUUUUUA! in Spanish, XIAOOOONNNGGG! in Mandarin) the meaning of which Lopez explained Monday night: "It's when something really wonderful happens or you see something really beautiful."

Lopez eagerly posed with fellow Mozza employees Monday night including Julianne Moore and Matt Michaelson, another original Mozza employee, who was also perplexed when asked what Hector did.

"I know he stood next to Tono and Adriel quite a lot," said Michaelson, clearly uncomfortable with the question  "Look, I need to go carve a giant bookcase."  

Michaelson's girlfriend, Alisa Burket, aka here as "Helen", who was often the inspiration for Lopez's Shaooouus!"s, said there is evidence Lopez did NOT do actual work at Mozza. 

"Look at his hands," she said. "His hands are so soft and smooth. What work could he possibly do and still keep so soft?"

Whatever he did at Mozza, Hector did so with a lot of enthusiasm and happiness. And when sadness came his way - and it did - the staff knew because there were no "Shaooouus' to be heard.

So Lopez is moving on, on  to work as a bartender at Los Balcones Del Peru, the Peruvian restaurant on Vine Street near Sunset Boulevard. He is also taking English as a second language at Evans Community Adult School, an enrollment applauded by former Mozza General Manager David Rosoff. 

"Seven years I knew Hector and his English never improved," said Rosoff, who added he kind of admired - or at least was baffled by  - Hector's state of being. "He only had two states; "super hyper" and "downright dangerously hyper." 

So Hector Lopez will be missed at Mozza . For different reasons.

"Who is going to walk me to my car?' wondered pastry chef Dahlia Narvaez.

"Who is gong to have the best manicured eyebrows at Mozza now?" asked former Mozza chef de Cuisine Chris Feldmeier.

"Who is gong to hit on me at work if  Hector's not there," pondered Osteria cook Rebecca Pizzala.

Michael Krikorian (relation), said he took a liking to Hector many years ago in the parking lot when he asked Hector "Do you know why I call you the 'Prince of Troy'?".

"Of course, Papa," Hector said with that sincere trademark smile of his. "Because Hector was the PrInce of Troy, I read. I know history, Papa."

Hector and Professor Wood

Hector and Professor Wood

Hector and Julie Moore

Hector and Julie Moore


U.S. Deploys Secret Ice Cream Tactics in Hunt For Warlord Kony

In the daunting hunt for Ugandan warlord Joseph Kony, United States Special Operations Forces have begun using an experimental "distraction device" that Krikorian Writes has learned is a highly secretive ice cream/gelato blend being developed in Southern California.

The ice cream, known only as the "P 1", is the creation of Los Angeles-based Mozza chefs Nancy Silverton and Dahlia Narvaez and, after extensive testing, is being deployed by American Special Forces - including Green Beret, Delta Force and Navy SEALs -  in the hunt for Kony. That hunt appears near a showdown as Kony's weakened Lord Resistance Army, (LRA), which spread hell for years throughout Uganda and the Central African Republic, is on the run. Earlier this week, in a sign of his fading authority, Kony elevated his son, Salim Saleh,  to the number 2 position in the LRA, according to a May 20 Associated Press report. ( http://www.cbsnews.com/news/joseph-kony-hands-over-reins-of-lra-to-son-official-says/).

Kony, 53, is believed to be moving from the Central Africa Republic to Kafia Kingi, a disputed enclave of South Sudan also claimed by regular Sudan.

A military source said Joseph Kony's capture is "imminent", but would not elaborate on how long "imminent" actually is, though he did divulge it was shorter time period than "soon".  

The source - and two others - did confirm the use of the P 1 weapon has been "very effective and a big part in the capture of many outlaws."

A Delta operative explained how the P 1's role is made operational. Turns out, it's quite simple 

"It's basically the old classic "Here! Look at this" game, a distraction," said the Delta operator who spoke on the condition of anonymity. "So far its been very effective. Once we identify the targets, in this case, Joseph Kony and his Lord's Resistance Army, we set up a forward staging area, and, from there, using locals, we drop a school backpacks near the site we are to hit. After making sure the backpack is not boobie-trapped, the insurgents discover there's ice cream inside and are soon are so caught up in the wonder of the P 1 that their guard is dramatically lowered. That's when we moved in for the assault."

An Army spokesperson, Lt. Col. Duke Feldmeier, was emphatic that no enemy combatants have been killed as a result of this extraordinary tactic.

"Miss Silverton and MIss Narvaez were absolute in their demand that P 1 usage would not lead to anyone's death. And, so far,  there have not been any fatalities associated with P 1 deployment.  They have been a several gun-butted skulls, .at least three dozen broken noses, upwards of 175 blackened eyes,. and assortment of several aches and pains, but no fatalities.

Though little is known of the P 1, sources said it is based on the storied "5 Nods" Salty Peanut Butter gelato, unveiled to the world at Pizzeria Mozza Newport Beach in January.  

In honor of fallen soldiers around the world, a modified version of the P 1 will be available to the public beginning this Memorial Day weekend at Pizzeria Mozza in Los Angeles, Newport Beach and San Diego.  For security reasons, no photos of P 1 will be permitted at the restaurants and no P 1  will be allowed to leave the premises.

Secret Distracting - (Aerial Photo by United States of America Intelligence Services) 

Secret Distracting - (Aerial Photo by United States of America Intelligence Services)

 

Back away, fool

Back away, fool


"Delusional" Doug Zamensky Admitted to Mental Hospital

Doug Paul Zamensky, best known as the first human being ever to be robbed by three different species, was admitted Monday  to the Tustin Mental Institute suffering from an assortment of ailments, including CDS, or Complex Delusional Syndrome.

Zamensky was rushed to the institute's Acute Whack Ward after he was seen wondering aimlessly in traffic on Pacific Coast Highway in Newport Beach carrying two portraits of himself - one as an owl - and yelling at passing motorists  "Rembrandt wants to draw me!" and "Oil the Dougsta, Picasso!"

Responding to numerous 911 calls about a "crazy white freak", Orange County sheriff deputies placed the Idaho native on a "5150 Hold", which allows for clinical observation of "seriously numbed individuals" for up to 72 hours. 

Locals were stunned.

"It was sad and shocking to see Doug like that, especially since he seemed so cool when we met him in Vegas," said Debbie Hauser, who works at the McLaren dealership on PCH down the street from Pizzeria Mozza where Zamensky worked as the general manager. "Doug told us "McLaren Girls" he was the chief test pilot for the McLaren P 1 at the Nurburgring [race track in Germany].  One of our girls thought he was a race car driver and asked to see his, his, umm, his paddle shifter.  She had no idea he was a waiter at a pizza joint or whatever he does at Mozza.  It's plain wrong."

Seekling to downplay the Vegas incident, .Alex Munoz-Suarez, the director of operations for Mozza, spoke to the media Monday evening to, in his words "clarify a simple misunderstanding". 

"We were in Vegas, and Doug, he had had a few, and we were with a group of the McLaren Girls and, for some reason, he slurred out that he had a "New burning" in one of his private areas. They mistakenly thought he said "the Nurburgring is testy". 

Seeking to placate the team at the McLaren dealership, Mozza chef Emily Corlis sent over a tray of the pizzeria's popular meatballs. However, that didn't go over too well. "Given  the circumstance, I don't think that was the wisest choice," said car sales manager, Monica Skorsky.

Upon hearing news of his detention, Zamensky's parents in Boise, Idaho were actually relieved. 

"Ever since Douglas went to Los Angeles and started getting robbed and then moved to Newport Beach and started living the big shot life, he hasn't been the same," said Art Zamensky. "Maybe staying in a loony bin for awhile will be good for him."

Zamensky's mother issued a plea to her son. "It's over, Douglas. Please come home."

"Hey, I'm the Dougsta!"

"Hey, I'm the Dougsta!"

Outrage Grows Over Leaked Silverton Tapes, Ban Likely

As the furor mounted over comments Nancy Silverton allegedly made about Mexicans and an lone Armenian, the James Beard Foundation demanded the chef immediately return the prestigious award she won Monday night in New York City.

On a secretly recorded audio tape leaked Monday to the Food Network, Silverton, who was honored a week ago in Lincoln Center as the Best Chef in America, is heard saying “Mexicans are the hardest working people in then entire restaurant world industry". 

That comment and one about not wanting her photo taken with an Armenian man, spawned outrage from across the restaurant world, prompted debate of banning the chef from her own restaurant,  and even triggered protests outside her beloved Mozza.

"What she is basically saying, if it indeed does turn out to be Silverton on those tapes, is that other nationalities, including my own,  don't work as hard as Mexicans and therefore shouldn't be hired," said an outraged Rene Redzepi, chef of Noma, a highly regarded restaurant in Copenhagen. "Is she saying all Danes are lazy? Does MIss Best Chef even know how many times my international staff and I have been bitten by varmints while searching for the tastiest moss?"

In America, the reaction was even harsher.   

"Nancy is a dear friend, but I have to say she stepped in the quick sand this time, " said Jonathan Waxman, who Silverton praised during her Beard acceptance speech. "Look, it's almost universally known when you compliment one nationality, you are really putting down another. It's quite similar to when you see two women and you tell one of them how nice she looks. The other woman will invariably say "What? i don't look good?" With Nancy's Mexican case, you multiply that by a few billion. I really think it over for her. Sad. I love that woman."

A Los Angeles chef who lost out in the best chef in America contest would not comment on Silverton's predicament. However, like Silverton, Suzanne Goin, unaware a nearby microphone was on, was overheard saying "Great. With Nancy out of the competition, maybe I can finally win this damn award."     

Some of those who work closest with the chef appeared to be turning against her. 

"Maybe if I changed my fuckin' name to Kate Gonzalez she would have thanked me in her James Beard award acceptance speech," said Kate Green, Silverton's black/white assistant. "I love Nancy, but I think she's gone brazy. She makes it seem that those sombreros are the only people who can work hard."

Monday night, just before evening service, in a silent protest, the three head chefs of Pizzeria, Osteria and Chi Spacca: LIz "Go Go" Hong; Chad "Willy Wonka" Colby; and Derek "The Wreck" McCabe, none of whom are Mexican, went to the middle of the Melrose and HIghland intersection and turned their Mozza chefs coats inside out so it looked as they though they worked at "azzoM".

At the pizzeria, host Lance Ohnstad, a Silverton admirer, joined in the protest in his own way. Since the tape was leaked, Ohnstad's reply to the oft-asked question "Is this the pizzeria or osteria?" is now  "It's the taqueria."

It remains a mystery as to who leaked the tape to the Food Network.  The voice Silverton is talking to on the tape is that of Michael Krikorian who has fervently denied leaking them. His credibility was bolstered today when a restaurant insider said, "If he sold the tapes to Food Network he would have some money. But, he's as broke as ever."  Krikorian is the man Silverton referred to when she is heard say "I don't want any more selfy-plus-ones with you, Armenian."

At the Pizzeria. long-time customer Lonnie Bishop, aka "The Prince of Pumps", joined those outraged by Silveton's comments. "She is gong to have to give up the restaurant."

About the only one coming to Silverton's side was another controversial chef, Dominque Crenn from San Francisco. "Nancy is the best and Nancy is right. Like she said in her beautiful acceptance speech, she knows how to select the best team. i'm not sure about her choice of men. but her choice of a restaurant team is peerless." 

Monday afternoon, a reporter stumbled upon Silverton as she was leaving the Marni store on Melrose Place. He asked her if she would return the James Beard Award. 

"If they really want it back, they can have it. Problem is I'm not sure where I put it."

Then the reporter asked Nancy Silverton what she would do if the outrage reached a point where she would have to leave her restaurant.

In a style all her own, she answered, "Mario and Joe would never let that happen. But, hey, if that ever does happen, well, I'll deal with it. Don't worry about me. I've lost it all before. In a way, it makes life interesting. A real challenge. I've been knocked down and I always get back up. I'll think of something new."

She slide into her black Porsche 918, revved the mighty 887-horsepower motor, and said "And you can bet this If I ever do open a new place, I'll hire a lot of Mexicans. And maybe even an Armenian."

Silverton roared off. Toward Mozza, no doubt. 

Nancy and the bone


Outrage Grows Over Leaked Silverton Tapes, Ban Considered

As the furor mounted over comments Nancy Silverton allegedly made about Mexicans and an lone Armenian, the James Beard Foundation demanded the chef immediately return the prestigious award she won Monday night in New York City.

On a secretly recorded audio tape leaked to the Food Network, Silverton, who was just honored in Lincoln Center as the Best Chef in America, is heard saying “Mexicans are the hardest working people in then entire restaurant world industry". 

That comment and one about not wanting her photo taken with an Armenian man, spawned outrage from across the restaurant world, prompted debate of banning the chef from her own restaurant,  and even triggered protests outside her beloved Mozza.

"What she is basically saying, if it indeed does turn out to be Silverton on those tapes, is that other nationalities, including my own,  don't work hard and therefore shouldn't be hired," said an outraged Rene Redzepi, chef of Noma, a highly regarded restaurant in Copenhagen. "Is she saying all Danes are lazy? Does MIss Best Chef even know how many times my international staff and I have been bitten by varmints while searching for the tastiest moss?"

In America, the reaction was even harsher.   

"Nancy is a dear friend, but I have to say she stepped in the quick sand this time, " said Jonathan Waxman, who Silverton praised during her Beard acceptance speech. "Look, it's almost universally known when you compliment one nationality, you are really putting down another. It's quite similar to when you see two women and you tell one of them how nice she looks. The other woman will invariably say "What? i don't look good?" With Nancy's Mexican case, you multiply that by a few billion. I really think it over for her. Sad. I love that woman."

A Los Angeles chef who lost out in the best chef in America contest would not comment on Silverton's predicament. However, like Silverton, Suzanne Goin, unaware a nearby microphone was on, was overheard saying "Great. With Nancy out of the competition, maybe I can finally win this damn award."     

Some of those who work closest with the chef appeared to be turning against her. 

"Maybe if I changed my fuckin' name to Kate Gonzalez she would have thanked me in her James Beard award acceptance speech," said Kate Green, Silverton's black/white assistant. "I love Nancy, but I think she's gone brazy. She makes it seem that those sombreros are the only people who can work hard."

Tuesday night, just before evening service, in a silent protest, the three head chefs of Pizzeria, Osteria and Chi Spacca: LIz "Go Go" Hong; Chad "Willy Wonka" Colby; and Derek "The Wreck" McCabe, none of whom are Mexican, went to the middle of the Melrose and HIghland intersection and turned their Mozza chefs coats inside out so it looked as they though they worked at "azzoM".

At the pizzeria, host Lance Ohnstad, a Silverton admirer, joined in the protest in his own way. Since the leaked tape Tuesday afternoon, Ohnstad's reply to the oft-asked question "Is this the pizzeria or osteria?" is now  "It's the taqueria."

It remains a mystery as to who leaked the tape to the Food Network.  The voice Silverton is talking to on the tape is that of Michael Krikorian who has fervently denied leaking them. His credibility was bolstered today when a restaurant insider said, "If he sold the tapes to Food Network he would have some money. But, he's as broke as ever."  Krikorian is the man Silverton referred to when she is heard say "I don't want any more selfy-plus-ones with you, Armenian."

Wednesday at the Pizzeria. long-time customer Lonnie Bishop, aka "The Prince of Pumps", joined those outraged by Silveton's comments. "She is gong to have to give up the restaurant."

About the only one coming to Silverton's side was another controversial chef, Dominque Crenn from San Francisco. "Nancy is the best and Nancy is right. Like she said in her beautiful acceptance speech, she knows how to select the best team. i'm not sure about her choice of men. but her choice of a restaurant team is peerless." 

Late Thursday afternoon , a reporter stumbled upon Silverton as she was leaving the Marni store on Melrose Place. He asked her if she would return the James Beard Award. 

"If they really want it back, they can have it. Problem is I'm not sure where I put it."

Then the reporter asked Nancy Silverton what she would do if the outrage reached a point where she would have to leave her restaurant.

In a style all her own, she answered, "Mario and Joe would never let that happen. But, hey, if that ever does happen, well, I'll deal with it. Don't worry about me. I've lost it all before. In a way, it makes life interesting. A real challenge. I'll think of something new."

She slide into her black Porsche 918, revved the mighty 887-horsepower motor, and said "And you can bet this If I ever do open a new place, I'll hire a lot of Mexicans. And maybe even an Armenian."

Silverton roared off. Toward Mozza, no doubt. 

The best chef in America

The best chef in America

An hour after winning the James Beard award for best chef in America, Nancy shows off her phone. "look. I have 54 new messages."

An hour after winning the James Beard award for best chef in America, Nancy shows off her phone. "look. I have 54 new messages."

Is #32 L.A.'s new #1? Melisse Gets Same Number as Koufax & Magic

Sandy Koufax, Jim Brown , Magic Johnson, and, now Josiah Citrin. All 32s. 

Ever since David Rosoff retired from Mozza, his former boss, Nancy  L. Silverton, had promised him a farewell, thank-you dinner. The celebration would take place at chef Josiah Citrin's opus to fine dining - Melisse in Santa Monica.

Then, two days ago before the dinner, Los Angeles Magazine came out with their top 75 restaurants. Melisse was listed at #32.  I  wish I lived in a town where Melisse was the 32nd best restaurant. 

But, when Nancy heard Melisse had come in 32nd, she was aghast. "I can't go to the 32nd best restaurant in L.A.. What if people recognize me? It could hurt my reputation."

Still, against all common sense, we honored the reservation.  The elegant room - this place has a carpet! - was packed on a Thursday night. Our table, Nancy, David, his gal Chanterelle Johnson and myself, sipped and talked about the placement of Melisse on this list.  "32? You have go to be kidding," said Nancy, "This place is at least 31st best." I offered, "The list is suspect. Chasen's came in 14th and they been closed for 19 years." 

Then a server dropped the butter; Rodolphe de Meunier's Beurre de Baratte.  If that was all Melisse served, it would get in the top 20 in my guidebook.

The food and wine started appearing by a team of very polished servers. 

Somewhere between Wagyu beef tartare with smoked tomato and white asparagus with morel mushrooms, Josiah came by - proudly - to check on our table.

I couldn't resist. "Number 32nd, huh?"

"Why did you have to bring that up?" he said.  Citrin said he understands lists, that he got it, that it didn't mean anything to him. 

Bullshit. 

It was disappointing to the chef. Even hurtful  He listed several restaurants listed above Melisse  on that top 75, and, while complementing the establishments, implied, like Nancy, 'You've got to be kidding."

Other publications respect Citrin. When Michelin Guide last rated L.A. restaurants in 2009, Melisse garnered two stars. ( Only Providence, Spago and Urasawa were so honored). Zagat had it #1 for food in L.A. in 2013 and Gayot has it in their top 40 in the USA.

"If Melisse is ranked 32, I'd have been proud at 33,' said Michael Cimarusti whose Providence came in #3 in the L.A. magazine list. .

As our meal progressed deliciously, we became more and more impressed. A black bass with sugar snap peas, green almonds and smoked haddock; Squab with porcini, mustard greens and wheat berries, Sonoma lamb with fava beans and cauliflower.

"Exceptional," said Nancy. "Josiah, you're the tops."

We drove home and raved about Melisse. 

This morning, in a research mood, I went to the St. Andrews Place Public Library and mined some bizarrely similar ratings

In the August, 1225 issue of Foreign Affairs, Genghis Khan was rated the 32nd best conqueror of all time. You gotta be kidding me? After Alexander, I'd put him second.

Then, more suspicious ratings were uncovered.  In the Muslim Science Monitor of May 14, 1543, Copernicus was listed as the 32nd best astronomer in history. He died 10 days later.

The art world was not immune to unfair ratings. In 1672, Johannes Vermeer came in 32nd in  a Delft Daily News Today poll of ”Best Dutch Painters”.

I went home confused. Then I saw the most shocking rating of all. True Romance  had rated Michael Krikorian, me, Nancy Silverton’s 32nd greatest boyfriend.  

And then I knew for sure.

32 is the new number one.

Josiah. Congratulations. You’re the tops.

Josiah Citrin throwing "Trey Deuce" as a content diner leaves Melisse.

Josiah Citrin throwing "Trey Deuce" as a content diner leaves Melisse.

# From Cole Porter's "You're the Top!"
You're the top! 
You're Mahatma Gandhi. 
You're the top! 
You're Napoleon Brandy. 
You're the purple light 
Of a summer night in Spain, 
You're the National Gallery 
You're Garbo's salary, 
You're cellophane. 
You're sublime, 
You're turkey dinner, 
You're the time, the time of a Derby winner 
I'm a toy balloon that’s fated soon to pop 
But if, baby, I'm the bottom, 
You're the top!