Dario Cecchini and Mario Batali To Open Meat Palace Restaurant on Island in Middle of Atlantic Ocean

New York City's most famous chef, Mario Batali, and Italy's most famous butcher, Dario Cecchini, are joining forces to open a meat-themed restaurant in an unlikely location; an island almost smack daube in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean.

After considering both Manhattan and Tuscany as sites, the two foodie superstars have finally agreed to meet roughly halfway from each other's home turf and that turns out to be Flores Island, the westernmost island of the Azores Archipelago 

Tentatively entitled il Gran Palazzo di Carne, the joint venture came about after Batali and Cecchini had lunch last year at Katz's Famous Delicatessen in New York and began toying with the idea of uniting to form what one food professional called "A Temple to the Cow". 

"This could be the greatest thing to happened to beef since Moses put two cows on that ark of his," said Sir Charles Dillingsworth, the United Kingdom's foremost food critic, but also a man woefully inept when it comes to ark ownership. 

Neither Batali nor Cecchini would comment on the project.

However, Cecchini's wife, the American-born Kimberly Wicks, was caught off guard when asked about the apparently tight-lipped collaboration. "I can't believe you found out about it!", she said in an E-mail reply from Tuscany.

A leading travel agent in the Mid East said when she heard of the partnership of Cecchini and Batali "it was one of those It's about time" moments. 

"Mario and Dario together makes total sense," said Julianne Nebuchadnezzar  from "Let's Get Away Now and I Mean Right Now!!" a popular travel agency based in Fallujah, Iraq. "If one is traveling from America to Europe, or from the Middle East to America, a stopover in Flores Island not only breaks up the flight, it provides a special destination dining adventure that will rank high on anybody's fucket list."  

Flores Island, with a population of about 3,900 - mostly-Portuguese -inhabitants,  gets it name from the profusion of wild flowers, ( especially hydrangeas)  that grow, ugh, um, wild on the island. The main municipality is Santa Cruz, where il Gran Palazzo di Carne will be located. 

Mario Batali, holding the flag of flores island, and dario cecchini, wearing the traditional red pants of flores island

Wanted Chef Dominique Crenn - Superhero to Many, Anarchist to Others - Returns To Los Angeles, Arrest Imminent

Nearly one year after she fled town following a very public assault, renowned chef Dominique Crenn is returning to Los Angeles where a warrant for her arrest remains active.

Crenn, who assaulted a rare and endangered Japanese Suzuki fish while it was in the possession of chef Josiah Citrin, is expected to be arrested as soon as she enters city limits which could be as early as Thursday, authorities said. ( http://krikorianwrites.com/blog/2014/3/23/chef-dominique-crenn-wanted-by-police-flees-to-france )

"We will have officers waiting at LAX, Union Station and various highway entrances to the city limits," said former LAPD homicide detective Sal LaBarbera, now in charge of the City of Los Angeles'  Fugitive Warrant Division (FWD). "I'm stunned she is coming back knowing full well she will be arrested. However, I understand she is not adverse to being handcuffed."

Crenn, the only woman chef in America with two Michelin stars - earned at her San Francisco restaurant Atelier Crenn -   will be risking the arrest to participate in the second annual All-Star Chef Classic event at the L.A. Live , the scene of the crime last year. 

"I have come to save the world from the mundane, from the cliche, from the boring," Crenn said in a phone interview at an undisclosed site. (A global positioning unit later pin-pointed the site as the southwest corner of Highland and Melrose.) 

Sources in the LAPD said it was very possible Crenn would be allowed to compete in tonight's All Star Chef Classic once she posts bail after her arrest.  Bail is expected to be set at $500,000. Pressure by the Japanese government is being cited as the chief reason the high bail, normally set at $100,00 for this crime.

Chef Jonathan Waxman believes the Los Angeles District Attorney's Office would face an uphill battle if they decide to press charges and take Crenn to trial for assault. 

"The main witness was consumed [and] therefore unable to testify, hence her ability to circumnavigate the charges," said Waxman, who will be at the L.A. Live event Saturday. .

Chef Citrin, whose restaurant Melisse in Santa Monica also has two Michelin stars, said he was going to avoid Crenn at the event.

"I'm going to keep my mise en place as far from her as possible," said Citrin "I'm avoiding danger this year."

In the brief phone interview, Crenn said that her actions,  her passions and even her recipes will all be unveiled in her first book, "Dominique Crenn: Metamorphosis of Taste" which is available for pre-order at http://www.amazon.com/Atelier-Crenn-Metamorphosis-Taste-Dominique/dp/0544444671  

Atelier Crenn: Metamorphosis of Taste

By Dominique Crenn

Nancy Silverton, seen below in a photo taken at the Mozza Kingdom with a woman who resembles Crenn, could not be reached for comment.

.

Jeremiah Henderson Suspended After Only One Week As Beverage Director of Heaven's Best Restaurant

After yelling 'This beer and wine list sucks!" in the main dining room of "The First Supper", the greatest restaurant in all of heaven and the entire solar system, beverage director Jeremiah James Henderson, 32, was suspended for five working days by his boss, God, 4,569,269,007.

Henderson, who landed the prestigious job just a week ago after a relatively brief stint on the much-maligned, though extremely promising planet Earth, said the restaurant's chef, Georges Auguste Escoffier, was "too damn slow" in implementing his new beverage and food pairing suggestions. Henderson let this be known in the middle of Friday night service at the 667 star Michelin restaurant on the Southside of Heaven that serves only 250,000 fortunate diners a night.

"Look, kid, these old farts are still using a wine, booze and beer list curated  by Dionysus and Bacchus,' said Henderson with his infectious. but mischievously boyish  smile. "Dionysus was good.  Bacchus, too.. In their time, kiddo. In their time. Things have changed. Hell, they are still have Olde Babylon 800 in cans, for god's sake. They're still pouring  the Battle of Arbela Syrah, Alexander the Great Vineyard, 331 b.c. by the glass. Even Alexander himself thought that shit was way too tannic. Duder, in five or six centuries no one will be drinking red wine, anyway. Plus, God has his kid running the place and he's never there "

That "kid", General Manager Jesus Christ, 2014, who critics also say is rarely at his restaurant, preferring to travel and promote his own brands and self-help books, was reached in East Saturn where he is opening a branch of the popular "La Buffet 'd Jesus Christ." chain. 

"Jeremiah? I love that guy," said Christ, a carpenter by trade. "A week in and i love him.  He's got the fire. But, maybe a week off might chill him down a bit.  Look, I wouldn't have hired him if he didn't have the passion.  And do you have any idea how many "somms" come to heaven and tell me or John the Baptist they know all about wine, booze, beer and shit? But, Jeremiah, he did know. But, he also knew not to take it too seriously.." 

However, Christ said it wasn't the vast food and beverage knowledge that convinced him to hire Henderson, but rather a particular correspondence with an Earthling.

"In key positions here, before I take on anyone, I like to talk to the family and friends of the potential hire from their previous world," said Christ who grew up in a small town on Earth without a "normal" father. "So i talked to Jeremiah's father, cat named River Rock Mike,  He told me something that I thought was so moving, so soulful.  He told me that his son 'Jeremy wasn't bigger than life. He made the lives of others bigger.' 

"I heard that and I told our host, St. Peter 'That JJ guy ever come up in here and I'm on tour, hire him on the spot. You feel me, Pete?'  That's why we hired him. Because of what his father said. Not because he could blind identify a 149,000,047 B.C. Screaming Pterodactyl."

But,  after three days on the job, Henderson began to clash with Escoffier and chef de cuisine Fernand Point over the future direction of The First Supper's food and beverage parings. Jeremiah was urging the kitchen to incorporate more Thai and Vietnamese dishes on the menu, food he knew matched well with wines and beers he loved. That didn't go over well. Monday night, Jeremiah took a 10 and had a martini with a bleu cheese-stuffed olive backed with a tumbler of garage-made California Apple cider he had brought with him from Earth. He then returned to the dining room and let it rip.

After being suspended during service, Henderson stormed out of the restaurant and went to a hill overlooking the entire world and sat on a lone chair arranged to appreciate the view. A reporter caught up with him. Henderson rose from the chair. He started getting nostalgic for his previous jobs, all of them on Earth, which looked so little, so fragile, yet so damn achingly beautiful  on this heavenly night. Henderson took off his L.A, Kings cap and wiped his brow with the back of his wrist. He sniffled a few times and his eyes grew as shiny as the stars when he wondered aloud what his family and his beloved crew were doing. He even lamented leaving so soon.  

"I wonder if they're missing me. You think they miss me, bud?"

The reporter assured them they did indeed. "Very much so. More than you know."

Henderson pointed to the now-vacant chair. "My crew used to make fun of me because I was always late. They'd send me pictures of an empty chair like that one and say I was there in spirit. Sweet, huh?"

Yeah.

"Earth gets a bad rap lotta the times, but when it's on, bud, when it's on, no place in the universe can beat it. One time, I had the crew dancing to James Brown on a hardwood floor in their stocking feet, sliding around and jumping on the bed like we was five-years-old. Pure, unfiltered, unrestrained  joy. Get on up!" I'll always remember that. Get on up!" 

The reporter asked if Henderson was concerned when he came back to work in a week that he would still have his job at The First Supper.

"I'm not worried at all," said Henderson as he gazed off at Mount Olympus. "But, either way, it's bool.  I hear Zeus is hiring. Yowza!"

Then Jeremiah Henderson looked even further away. Off at galaxies so distant they don't even have formal names. "Maybe I'll just go traveling. Rock a few casbahs.  Hey, kid, you know the best part about traveling?"

The reporter thought about that for awhile, then said 'No. What?'

"Gettin' lost."

This story was reported by Mike Henderson, Taylor Grant, Kate Baratta, Alexis S. Kozac, Gary Alan (who is often mistakenly called Alan Gary),  Bethany Walls, Jared Hooper, Adam Vourvoulis, Verona Masongsong, Daniel Flores, Kim Trac, Rachel Kerswell, Matthew Kaner and  Kate Green. It was written by Morty Goldstein, Jr.

Twitter nom is  @makmak47

"Fire Alarm Biscuit" of Nancy Silverton/Ruth Reichl Disqualified in International Competition

 A biscuit designed by Nancy Silverton and assembled by Ruth Reichl was disqualified Sunday at the prestigious World Biscuit Championship in Lyons, France by a panel of judges who ruled it had "Violated the spirit of friendly and fair competition."

The biscuit, dubbed the "Fire Alarm Biscuit" due to its propensity to set off alarms because of the copious amount of butter deployed in its assemblage, had taken an overwhelming lead in the competition when the Belgium team filed a formal complaint with the international judges. Brussels Biscuits United claimed the Nancy/Ruth biscuit was more butter than actual biscuit.

What also put the biscuit in the illegal zone was the after-baking addition of two inches of  Buerre de Baratte of Rudolphe Le Meunier. (See http://krikorianwrites.com/blog/2014/1/29/the-dangerous-french-butter-thats-despised-by-its-peers )

"This is a biscuit championship, so enter a biscuit," said Roger DeCoster, team leader of the Belgians. "There were more fire alarms going off in Lyons during the event than their were in the South Bronx in 1977."

The recipe for the biscuit is expected to be released to the public in Silverton's next cookbook.

Both Silverton and Reichl could not be reached for comment.

Squad 7 - The Nancy's Fancy Flavors

There are seven  flavors of Nancy's Fancy. Like the United States Navy's SEAL Team Six, they are an extremely elite unit;

So, with just a little further ado, Nancy Silverton is proud to announce “Squad 7”, the first flavors to qualify to be called Nancy’s Fancy. Five are classified gelato and two are sorbetto.

Before we reveal them, let it be known that Nancy’s Fancy is not intended to shock the world of gelati and sorbetti with joy-dropping flavor combinations. You will not find any overly-manipulated, complex flavor combinations that twist and yank ingredients out of their natural role. They’ll be no main course for your dessert. No fried chicken gelato.  

What you will get from a pint of Nancy’s Fancy - scheduled for release this spring in markets across the United States - is a refinement and enhancement of traditional flavors we’ve all enjoyed. The classics:  chocolate, coffee, peanut butter, coconut, butterscotch, banana, berries. All combined with components that turbocharge Squad 7 to an extraordinary level of concentrated taste. 

Here they are:

GELATO

Chunky Salted Peanut Butter/with Crunchy  Chocolate 

Butterscotch Budino / with  Salted Caramel Swirl  

Roasted Banana  / with Bourbon   & Pecan Praline 

Cold-Brewed Spiced Stumptown Coffee/ with Cracked  Cocoa nib

Fruitti Di Bosco /with Greek Yogurt & Mixed Berries

SORBETTO

Coconut Stracciatella  /with Bittersweet Chocolate Strands

Chocolate  Rum Fondente/  with  Dark Rum & Chocolate Chips     

These seven have an esprit de corps about them, a frozen swagger knowing that of the hundreds of flavor combinations that tried out, they were the ones selected by Nancy Silverton and her executive pastry chef Dahlia Narvaez to be Nancy’s Fancy.

They are a tight-knit group as well. Not only do they chill out together at the pastry kitchen of Mozza or the L.A. Creamery complex in Chatsworth, California where they develop, but at tasting parties and other gatherings. 

And like the Original Rat Pack, they are there for each other and, man, do they know how to have a good time.

For example, check out what happened at a gathering in January. Chocolate Rum Fondente with Dark Rum and Chocolate Chips had a few too many at a Southern California park and cracked wise to three local ice cream sandwiches. Soon, Fondente was surrounded by more than three dozen ice cream sandwiches, many of them frozen hard, frosty cold and steaming.

Suddenly, out of a Nancy’s Fancy Squad 7 freezer, two team members, Coconut Straciatella and Chunky Salted Peanut Butter rappelled down. It was now Fondy, Coco and Chunky, side by side. Talk about a combo. Never in recorded history have so many ice cream sandwiches melted so fast.

It is that closeness, that raffish bond they share, that makes the seven flavors of Nancy’s Fancy so deviously delectable to enjoy together

###.

Here’s a little info on some of the squad.

Chunky Salted Peanut Butter/with Crunchy Chocolate      

On a spring day in 2014, Nancy Silverton took a forkful of just-made micro-batch of peanut butter gelato and slowly savored its intense flavor in silence. Then the nods began. One, two, three, four and then, in the most rarified of reviews, Silverton nodded for a fifth time. The storied “Five Nods from Nancy” had been achieved.

It was salty. Almost too salty, but not. It was like the gelato itself had tip-toed up to the salt limit wall and set up camp. It was a gelato that brought instantaneous pleasure to the taste buds. The zero to 60 time on Chunky is the fastest of any production gelato or ice cream in the world. 

Since then, Since then, in the officina of  Dahlia and Nancy - the pastry kitchen of Mozza -  this salty peanut butter landmark has been given the zultra treatment. For crunch we fold in chocolate-dipped French cookie wafers that are enrobed in 70% bittersweet chocolate.

Let the nods begin.

Butterscotch Budino with Salted Caramel Swirl.

This Nancy’s Fancy is named after the most popular dessert in all of Mozza Land, Dahlia Narvaez’s fabled Butterscotch Budino, which is now copied all over America. Budino is the Italian word for pudding so the gelato is extremely smooth and delicious. And then, as Nancy and Dahlia love to do, it is taken to the zultra level by having salted caramel swirled throughout its lusciousness.

 ##

Fruitti Di Bosco with GreekYogurt & Mixed Berries

Inspired by the classic Greek breakfast of yogurt and berries, this gelato releases wave after wave of mouth-filling sweet tart flavors that invigorate the mouth, linger on the palate and bring a sense of contemplation. Although neither Aristotle, Socrates nor Plato were known to be particularly aggressive and violent, one has to wonder how the three giants of philosophy would react if they were together at a market and all that remained was a lone pint of Nancy’s Fancy Greek Yogurt with mixed Berries.

##

Cold-Brewed Spiced Stumptown Coffee/ with Cracked Cocoa nib

Take a Los Angeles base,blend in ingredients from Oregon, Zanzibar, Colombia, Indonesia, Madagascar and India and the result is this eye-opening member of Squad 7. 

We source our cold brew from Stumptown Roasters in Portland, Oregon and mix it with a quintet of Earth’s most beloved spices; cinnamon, cardamom, nutmeg, cloves and vanilla beans. Once the gelato is spun, Corderilla cocoa nibs, (unfermented cocoa beans) from Colombia join the festa. The result is a gelato that brings mind exotic faraway places and confirms coffee’s place in the pantheon of tasteful pleasures.

 ##

Chocolate Rum Fondente/ with  Dark Rum & Chocolate Chips   

Melted 70% bittersweet chocolate is brazenly, if not downright recklessly folded into a Nancy’s Fancy base with Colombian cocoa powder from Corderilla Chocolate for this insanely rich sorbetto fondly referred to above as “Fondy”

To make matters even more delicious, Meyers dark rum is poured in to give it a kick in the pint. The final blast of flavor and texture come from chocolate chips.

The Fondente family in Italy is planning a week long festa in the spring of 2015 to celebrate the official release of this intense sorbetto.

There will be more flavors that make it to Nancy’s Fancy, but Squad 7 will always be there for you to enjoy.

Squad Seven

Still to come profiles of Roasted Banana / with Bourbon & Pecan Praline and Coconut Strach, both of whom were available.

Chef Matt Molina Resigns From Mozza To Pursue Career As Race Car Driver, Silverton Calls Him the"George Washington of Mozza"

James Beard Award-winning chef Matt Molina stunned the Los Angeles restaurant world, his family and even his boss, Nancy Silverton, when he announced Saturday he was leaving his job as the Executive Chef of Mozza to chase his dream of becoming a professional race car driver.

"Matt is like the George Washington of the Mozza kitchen," said Silverton shortly after hearing Molina was moving one.  "I'm stunned he is leaving. Especially to race cars."

Within one hour of the news, Team  McLaren announced that Molina, who has been secretly testing road and race cars, had signed a seven-figure contract to be the chief test driver for the esteemed British automobile manufacturer.  McLaren founder Ron Dennis said it was "with profound relief I can finally let the world know it was Matt Molina behind the wheel when the McLaren P1 recently lapped the Nordschilfe at the Nurgurging in under seven minutes."

It had been assumed that McLaren test pilot Chis Goodwin had been driving the P1 during this stunning lap. Check out the video of Molina in the P1 at the Nordschilfe;  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E9IWiTpWeiM

Molina had been hinting he would leave to race cars for months. The San Gabriel Valley native  who won the James Bead Award for Outstanding Chef in the Pacific region in 2012 ( http://www.grubstreet.com/2012/05/matt-molina-james-beard-award-mozza.html) was often seen wearing a golf cap with the letter "M" on it, but most thought it meant for either "Matt" or "Molina", It is now known it symbolized McLaren.

It was a 2014 trip to Las Vegas to celebrate the birthday of his friend Adam Levine that really charged Molina when he got to drive an Aston Martin Vanquish S at a local track. "Matty was really happy when he came back from that racing weekend," said former Osteria Mozza sous chef Chris Feldmeier. ."If I'm not mistaken, I think he even asked me how my children were doing. I don't have any kids, but, still." 

News that Molina, who worked with Silverton at Campanile, was leaving stunned the Mozza family.

In New York City, Mario Batali, who gave Molina his nickname "Ponce" because of his uncanny ability to get lost in Italy, wished him well. 

"i have known Ponce for 20 years and have driven long on the golf course and slowly on the 405 with him and  he is truly great at both, but his true metier is in the saute pan,"

Batali added he expected Mclaren's arch rival to try to lure Molina away..

"i wish him the best of luck with the McLaren team, but do not be surprised if the Ferrari team comes knocking," Batali said. "Matt's heart, his palate and his engine are forged of steel and titanium near Modena in Emilia Romagna."

In Los Angeles, there was sadness.

"I am saddened and shocked," said Kate Green, Silverton's assistant. "Hey, let me ask you something. Do you know if I will still be able to get free food with Matty gone?"

Silverton had little to say.

"It's really sad Matty is leaving," said Silverton. "Like I mentioned, the strange thing to me is his new job, racing cars. Every time I've ever been in his car, he drove like an old lady."

Still, she praised her chef who opened Pizzeria Mozza in 2006 and Osteria Mozza months later. "Matty will always be part of the Mozza family."

Liz "Go Go" Hong, formerly the chef at Pizzeria Mozza will move over to the Osteria Mozza as executive chef.  

Molina has not ruled out a return to cooking and opening his own restaurant. 

"The race  season lasts only eight months," said Molina as he enjoyed a smoked short rib at Odysseus and Penelope on La Brea. "I'll have to do something during the other four." 

A sources close to Molina said he would either open a restaurant or join the PGA Tour. Another source said Molina has been offered a job as the private cook for the Tips For Jesus guy

AFter his farewell "lineup" talk, Matt Molina listens as Nancy Silverton toasts his mozza career. Pastry chef Dahlia Narvaez Looks on

*For the 2015 season McLaren has already signed Fernando Alonzo and Jenson Button as their Formula One drivers, however Molina is expected to replace either one if they falter 

Yosemite Search and Rescue Team Calls Off Hunt For Liz "Go Go" Hong's Sense of Wonder

Shortly after overhearing Mozza chef Liz "Go Go" Hong say "I don't want to go to Half Dome, but can we go to Whole Dome?", a Yosemite National Park employee notified her supervisor that the famed park may have, in her words "Another lost soul amongst us"

The supervisor, Janice Swerman, told Krikorian Writes that she at first dismissed the statement as "Just another smart aleck remark", but became alarmed when another employee came to her saying the same person, Go Go Hong, had just been shown a photo of El Capitan, asked "What's that?"  Then, after she was told it was El Capitan or simply "The Rock",  Hong seemed confused, then exacerbated the situation by asking  "The movie with Sean Connery or the actor? Wait, El Capitan. That's a movie theater on Hollywood Boulevard, right?""

Later, after reviewing security footage, Swerman determined that Hong had refused to get out of the  car she was traveling in to gaze out from Tunnel View when her group entered the Valley.  This was the very same person that walked a long, cold Bakersfield block to pose in front of Hells Angels headquarters. Taking no chances, Swerman notified the vaunted Yosemite Search and Rescue Team. 

"I told them I think we have a visitor without a Sense of Wonder," Janice said, adding that this condition is extremely rare in Yosemite. "I mean even blind people stop and stare in wonder at El Captian. I have hard core members of the Hells Angeles, Oakland Chapter, break down and cry at the stars over Half Dome. But, this one, she seemed clueless. She was far more fascinated with her peanut M & Ms."

The Search and Rescue team was called and went looking for Go Go's Sense of Wonder.

Shortly after noon Thursday, Search and Rescue squad leader Duke Feldmeier thought he had found it when he saw and heard Hong in the Ahwahnee Hotel Dining Room say "That would be amazing!" However, that proved to be simply a misguided statement as Hong was reacting to a waiter who told her "Maybe I can get you some extra jus on the side for your Philly cheese steak sandwich."

Not long after that, Feldmeier overheard Go Go saying that Persia and Venezuela were the same place. "To the best of my knowledge,  no one has ever said that before," Feldmeier said. "I knew this would be a difficult operation."

But, Hong, refusing to walk outside the hotel, never expressed on iota of interest in the park and the Yosemite Search and Rescue Team called off the hunt late Thursday night.

Still, there was a glimmer of hope Friday morning when Go Go, Nancy Silverton and Michael "Juan Fangio" Krikorian drove out of Yosemite Valley . The morning sun was shining on the "Dawn Wall" of El Capitan, the very route two lunatic climbers had scaled just two weeks ago. The magnificent rock was aglow in dawn's light.  

"Liz Hong, look at that," ordered Silverton, herself spellbound by the wonder

"Wow" said Go Go. She even took a photo.

It took the Rock and the Sun. but finally there was a smidgen of proof that Go Go has a Sense of Wonder. 

Liz Go Go Hong on 19th Street in Bakersfield

Team Silverton-Goin Goes Breaking Bad; Sets New Record For Slowest Drive To Yosemite, 9 Hours, 7 Minutes

Five hours into their record-setting slow drive from Los Angeles to Yosemite National Park, Nancy Silverton and Suzanne Goin came to a stop sign in the methamphetamine-addled town of Traver, 27 miles south of Fresno.

"That guy from Yemen at the gas station said 'Don't turn right'," said Goin from the backseat of the works Honda..

"No,' said Mozza chef LIz "Go Go": Hong, also in the back seat. "He said 'What ever you do, don't turn right. He said even the sheriff's don't turn right."

I was driving. You know which way I turned   

Two blocks later, I passed a market that rang a bell. I had covered a homicide there 16 years ago for the Fresno Bee. Two more blocks and we came to Baker Drive. In all my travels - and I had traveled looking for methamphetamine hot spots, even to Apatzingan,Michoacan - I have never seen a more stereotypical crank street. This was Breaking Bad gone crazy.

Aptly named Baker Drive is line with rusted trailers, a RV so dilapidated it made us laugh, foil on most windows, tarps on others, weeds as high as Badger, milk crates for days, a scruffy white kid - who looked like that boy Jesse tried to help - running around in the backyard littered with a titling refrigerator and sideways washer machine .

"If David could see me now," Suzanne said, referring to her husband, chef David Lentz. 

"Oh, my fuckin' god," said Go Go.

Nancy just stared.

The street was short, So was our tour.

We - Nancy, Suzanne, Go Go, four boxes of food, four suitcases and myself - had left the back parking lot of Mozza at 11:30 bound for beauty; Yosemite and their Chefs' Holiday event at the Ahwahnee Hotel. Our first stop was in Bakersfield for lunch at the Basque restaurant Wool Growers. Food was solid and we'd all go there again if the timing was right. Oxtail stew, fried chicken, sausage sandwich, lamb chops. Very good fries.

Plus, a block down, across the street was a Hells Angel clubhouse.  Can't beat that for local color. . 

We got back on 99 North  and drove past, Tulare and the beloved B-17 of my youth, past the Visalia cut off and, when Nancy saw signs for Bravo Farms - known for their cheddar -  we pulled off in Traver. We were at the Bravo Farms um, complex, for at least an hour.

Suzanne bought a 3.5 cord for us to listen to a podcast, a sack of (allegedly) "fartless" bean soup, and climbed a 7-story treehouse. Go Go got ice cream. Nancy got coffee, shot a replica .45, and played slots. I got caramel marshmallow and three root beers from their impressive selection  Thirty pounds of un-attended tri tip grilled not far from a petting zoo.. This is not the normal cheese stop

All of us highly recommend the stop. 

But, when you head back to the freeway, don't turn right at the stop sign.      

Back on Highway 99 to Highway 41 and a Fresno rush hour traffic jam.  Then to Oakhurst for coffee. Suzanne, at Nancy's request. put on that podcast "Serial". Five people had raved to me of this podcast about a guy in a Maryland prison for 15 years for the killing of his ex-girlfriend 

We entered the Park late, so there was one at the entrance gate. Serial came on. It was boring the fuck out of me. The best part for all of us was about Mr. S, some streaker.  No, the best part was when Suzanne said she had only up loaded three episodes and couldn't get service to get more. Good. .

I took over telling them my own podcast; a story I had covered about the killing of three tourists outside of Yosemite by a motel handyman (Cary Stayner) who went on to kill another woman in Yosemite before he was captured and eventually sent to Death Row.  All, even Nancy, agreed my story was better. 

By the time my story was done, we were about to enter the tunnel  that leads to the magical Tunnel View. It was dark, but I exited the Honda and gazed at the stars and silhouette of El Capitan. You can have all the other views. 

Nine hours, seven minutes and 47 seconds*, after we left Mozza, I parked at the Ahwahnee Hotel.  . 

Heaven I'm in Heaven. 

***

* Note - The record is for driving in "good" weather conditions. Slower drives have been record, but in Tule fog conditions.

Website for the Bakersfield restaurant. http://woolgrowers.net/

Baker Drive, Traver. Technically, Traver is not even a town, but rather a "Census designated place" with a pop of 713. Two of the population were accused of beating that guy in the bathroom during a 49ers game last year.

New Nancy Silverton vs. Ruth Reichl Feud Erupts Over Secret Sauce

It was to be a simple Sunday night dinner among old friends. Hamburgers would star. But, when it was over last night, what lingered was the sweet taste - or bitter lack of - Secret Sauce.

Ruth Reichl, in warm Los Angeles with her husband Michael Singer for their annual "Escape from Cold New York" trip, had invited Nancy Silverton and four others over to try what she considered the best hamburger meat in the land, the aged ground beef of Debragga, a New York butcher.

Nancy brought along two bottles or red wine, a half-pound of Swiss Challerhocker cheese, a dozen buns and her own "secret sauce" which she had lovingly made in her kitchen two hours earlier. 

What a match this was to be.  The Nancy's secret sauce with Ruth's favorite hamburger meat.

But, as the group of seven sat to indulge, Reichl refused to apply the sauce to her burger. "This meat doesn't need anybody's secret sauce."

Silverton said nothing, but instead made a production of lavishing the sauce onto her patty. She then began chatting up her left-side dining table neighbor, film critic Robert Abele,  on the wonders of this sauce.  As Silverton raved on, she kicked her driver, Juan Fangio Krikorian, and nodded over at Ruth. "Miss Writer too good for secret sauce?"

Adding insult, Reichl refused to add the cheese Silverton had brought to her burger and then proclaimed the buns "a tad sweet'.

Tension rose and knots formed on  Silverton's upper back like muscles on Dr. Bruce Banner when he turns into the Hulk. Krikorian rubbed her back that was, by then, as soft as the Dawn Wall of El Capitan. 

Seeking to avoid an out-and-out confrontation at the dining table, Reichl's husband Singer sought to engage diners in table conversation that swerved like Nike Lauda at the Nurburgring: "The Grand Budapest Hotel";  Eric Snowden, Dante's Barbershop on 3rd Street ( two blocks east of Western), his cats, hospitals in New York, his love of Pizzeria Mozza and the chef there, Liz "Go Go" Hong.  

But, it was too late.  The feud, which began last year ( see; http://krikorianwrites.com/blog/2014/3/4/silverton-gets-tired-of-reichl-tells-her-to-leave-van-ness-palace ) was deep into percolation. Silverton resorted to one of her classic moves to lull an opponent; she feigned tiredness and closed her eyes, her version of Ali's Rope-a Dope. Reichl was more to the point. She told Krikorian "Take her home."

As Silverton was leaving, Reichl asked "Would you like to take your secret sauce back home?"

"No, Ruth," Silverton said as she walked out. "I made it for you."

By the next day, Go Go Hong was transferred out of the pizzeria.

##

To try the meat, check out - http://www.debragga.com/proddetail.asp?prod=dry-aged-ground-beef&cat=56

To try the secret sauce ask Ruth for the leftovers, though sources say she may have tossed it. Otherwise, wait for Nancy's next cookbook, tentatively titled "Mozza At Home". 

.To Secret Sauce or not to Secret Sauce