U.S. Deploys Secret Ice Cream Tactics in Hunt For Warlord Kony

In the daunting hunt for Ugandan warlord Joseph Kony, United States Special Operations Forces have begun using an experimental "distraction device" that Krikorian Writes has learned is a highly secretive ice cream/gelato blend being developed in Southern California.

The ice cream, known only as the "P 1", is the creation of Los Angeles-based Mozza chefs Nancy Silverton and Dahlia Narvaez and, after extensive testing, is being deployed by American Special Forces - including Green Beret, Delta Force and Navy SEALs -  in the hunt for Kony. That hunt appears near a showdown as Kony's weakened Lord Resistance Army, (LRA), which spread hell for years throughout Uganda and the Central African Republic, is on the run. Earlier this week, in a sign of his fading authority, Kony elevated his son, Salim Saleh,  to the number 2 position in the LRA, according to a May 20 Associated Press report. ( http://www.cbsnews.com/news/joseph-kony-hands-over-reins-of-lra-to-son-official-says/).

Kony, 53, is believed to be moving from the Central Africa Republic to Kafia Kingi, a disputed enclave of South Sudan also claimed by regular Sudan.

A military source said Joseph Kony's capture is "imminent", but would not elaborate on how long "imminent" actually is, though he did divulge it was shorter time period than "soon".  

The source - and two others - did confirm the use of the P 1 weapon has been "very effective and a big part in the capture of many outlaws."

A Delta operative explained how the P 1's role is made operational. Turns out, it's quite simple 

"It's basically the old classic "Here! Look at this" game, a distraction," said the Delta operator who spoke on the condition of anonymity. "So far its been very effective. Once we identify the targets, in this case, Joseph Kony and his Lord's Resistance Army, we set up a forward staging area, and, from there, using locals, we drop a school backpacks near the site we are to hit. After making sure the backpack is not boobie-trapped, the insurgents discover there's ice cream inside and are soon are so caught up in the wonder of the P 1 that their guard is dramatically lowered. That's when we moved in for the assault."

An Army spokesperson, Lt. Col. Duke Feldmeier, was emphatic that no enemy combatants have been killed as a result of this extraordinary tactic.

"Miss Silverton and MIss Narvaez were absolute in their demand that P 1 usage would not lead to anyone's death. And, so far,  there have not been any fatalities associated with P 1 deployment.  They have been a several gun-butted skulls, .at least three dozen broken noses, upwards of 175 blackened eyes,. and assortment of several aches and pains, but no fatalities.

Though little is known of the P 1, sources said it is based on the storied "5 Nods" Salty Peanut Butter gelato, unveiled to the world at Pizzeria Mozza Newport Beach in January.  

In honor of fallen soldiers around the world, a modified version of the P 1 will be available to the public beginning this Memorial Day weekend at Pizzeria Mozza in Los Angeles, Newport Beach and San Diego.  For security reasons, no photos of P 1 will be permitted at the restaurants and no P 1  will be allowed to leave the premises.

Secret Distracting - (Aerial Photo by United States of America Intelligence Services)

Back away, fool