Top Ten Reasons Michael Cimarusti Hasn't Won The James Beard Award

By Nancy Silverton and Michael Krikorian

For the eighth year in a row, Michael Cimarusti, one of the great chefs of, not only the West, but the entire United States, failed to come home with a James Beard Award. 

Investigative reporters from the Washington Post and the Los Angeles Times looked into why this is so. Here are the top ten reasons Michael Cimarusti has not won a James Beard Award

10. Never properly thanked Mrs. Paul for Providence's most popular dish, fish sticks..

9.  Beard voters automatically assume Michael C has already won.

8.  Close ties to feared organized crime figure Donato "Don" Poto 

7.  Actually believes that bullshit line "It's an honor just to be nominated."

6.  Always gets the most votes, but since voters misspell his last name, they aren't counted.

5  Most people think Providence is in Rhode Island, 

4. Backlash by presenters who fear they can't pronounced his name.

3. Doesn't really want to win, because then he can't be nominated

2. It was learned he hired a renowned watercolorist to paint spots on regular prawns

!. And the number 1 reason.....Michael Cimarusti already has a beard.