ALTANTA DEMOCRATS UNITE WITH REPUBLICANS DEMANDING RALPH WAXMAN LEAVE GEORGIA IMMEDIATELY

In a rare show of unity not seen since Henry Aaron came to town, members of Atlanta’s democratic and republican parties held a joint press conference Wednesday at the Hyatt Regency demanding that controversial political rabble rouser Ralph Waxman either leave Georgia on his own or be escorted out by state police.

“Please, just get the hell out of town and go back to your own troubled city, “ said Stacey Abrams, Georgia’s leading voting rights activist. “While we appreciate his concern, his very appearance here is causing problems we just don’t need now.”

Waxman, a big time admirer of Abrams, was stunned by her statement. “Perhaps, Stacey is hitting the bottle, again,” Waxman suggested. “If that’s the case, then cool. Tell her to come to my room at Perry’s 6.5 Motel and I’ll have the Pappy waiting.”

Waxman had road tripped - and I do mean “tripped” - from his home in the Highland Park sector of Los Angeles to Georgia on a strange path that took him through Arizona ,New Mexico, Texas, Oklahoma, Arkansas, Louisiana, and in a drunken stupor he headed for the wrong Georgia and spent three days in the Gronzy, City Jail in Chechnya.

His arrival this week to the American state of Georgia was met with both excitement and concern. Waxman has an ability to get out the vote by his sheer determination and persistence. He will knock on your door and talk and talk and he will talk and just to get him to leave you will vote for whoever he says to vote for. In his most celebrated - nearly mythical - “vote switch” he convinced an elephant peace activist to vote for the great Carthaginian General Hannibal Barca for zookeeper before his 218 BC. Alps crossing.

Abrams, thinking local news would love a story about a San Diego native who works for Nancy Silverton, thought the media should focus more on the actual candidates rather than on Waxman. “We need to focus on these candidates, not Waxman, Though if that Pappy offer is still good, tell him I’ll be at the Motel 6.5 at about nine thirty. He’ll love it when I call him “Pappy”. They all do. And tell Perry to put on some clean sheets.”