MORE THAN 78 SENATORS URGE NANCY SILVERTON TO ORDER ELYSSA PHILLIPS TO STOP CALLING THEM IMMEDIATELY

BY JIMMY DOLAN

In a show of unity not seen this historic year, 78 United States Senators signed a pledge to vote for the Restaurant Relief Act, with one proviso; Nancy Silverton needs to order an employee to stop the constant telephone calls to their offices.

“We will vote for whatever package you want, Nancy, but please tell her to stop with the constant kveching,” said Lamar Bitch Alexander, (R- TN). “Please make her stop.”    

The server, who thank Jesus and Muhammad , is not always at the Corner, is one Elyssa Phillips, a refugee from who knows where, who somehow got a job at the great Italian restaurant Osteria Mozza.

Phillips, age unknown, has thankfully not been on the Corner much lately with the shut down, but made a unusually quiet appearance Thursday with her sound level rarely approaching more the 107 decibels, the same peak as a 12 cylinder Ferrari 8GTB25.

“We are emphatically urging Nancy to put a stop to this,” said Sen. Diane Feinstein (D- Calif). “We have agreed to provide restaurants with all the goddamn money they want. We will especially give the Mozza Corner and extra 20 million. But, no more Calls!”

Republican majority leader – and certified asshole – Mitch McConnell agreed with Feinstein. “Tell her to stop and the cash will flow to the restaurants. It’s that simply.”

Nancy Silverton could no be reached for comment. No attempt was made to reach to Elyssa for obvious reasons.

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