EDUCATION SECRETARY DEVOS BOTCHES SCHOOL QUESTIONS BUT TAKES CREDIT FOR CHEF TRACHT'S IMPROVED CONDITION

In a bewildering nationally televised interview, Secretary of Education Betsy DeVos fumbled badly on questions regarding the reopening of public schools and somehow managed to make matters worse by bizarrely saying the Trump Administration should be credited for the vastly improved condition of a hospitalized Los Angeles chef.

Devos, speaking on CNN, said schools “need a plan”, while offering none, but then switched directions like Gale Sayers in the open field when she went off on a tangent about Suzanne Tracht, the chef/owner of Jar Restaurant on Beverly Boulevard in Los Angeles.

Tracht who has been at Cedars Sinai Medical Center for 12 days showed marked improvement over a mysterious illness that was originally thought to be Covid-19, but - after five negative tests - left doctors scratching their heads as to wait was the actually medical problem. Tracht suffered from some of Covid’s classic symptoms such as high fever, body aches. weakness and most disturbingly a near shutdown of her breathing system.

This weekend her condition improved dramatically, so much so that her daughter, writer Ida Trevino, actually got her an Egg McMuffin. This seemed to inspired DeVos, considered among the stupidest education secretaries of the modern age.

“I’m not sure about how the schools will reopen, but I am sure Chef Suzanne is doing better,” DeVos told CNN’s Dana Bush who couldn’t have looked more perplexed if an aardvark showed up and asked her to dance. DeVos went on to say, “Thanks to President Trump it looks like pot roast will be available sooner, rather than later.”

Tracht’s press secretary Michele Huckabee Rivera. who has been at her side throughout the ordeal, said she was not surprised by DeVos statements because “she is a stupid idiot. Damn. that lady is dumb.”

Doctors at Cedars were very encouraged by Tracht’s progress.

“When she first came in here, she couldn’t cuss at all,” said Dr.. Julius Irving, a lung and dunk specialist. “But, this morning Suzanne said “DeVos is a dumb fuck” six times. That’s terrific. If she can maintain that tomorrow, and maybe add a “stupid shit” or two, we will release her.”

UPDATE - Tracht followed Dr, Irving orders and was released Monday at 3:27 p.m..