Chef Chad Colby Reveals "I am a Proud Vegetarian", Denounces Carnivores and Retires from Chi Spacca

Long-time Mozza chef Chad Colby, best known for his tomahawk pork chop, bistecca fiorentina and pig-based charcuteire, stunned the Los Angeles restaurant community Sunday when he announced he had converted to a radical vegetarian sect and was retiring from Chi Spacca.

Colby, who could wax poetic on the wonders of a pig for so long his listeners longed for a major earthquake, said he was relieved the world finally knows his true food loves - eggplants, yams and chick peas -  and the burden of being "the macho meat cooker dude was finally off my pork shoulders."

An unidentified Oregon winemaker apparently indoctrinated Colby into "The Greens Templar", a 12th Century vegetarian and fruit sect founded during the Second Crusades. During the famed - and failed - "Siege of Damascus" in 1148, attackers had set up camp in the orchards west of the ancient city, but, legend has it, some fighters became so enamored with the dates, apricots and eggplants with local hummus that they gave up both lamb and the battle.

Nancy Silverton, Colby's boss, reacted with her usual style and calm when told he was leaving. 

"Well, I understand totally anyone who has a intense love of vegetables, because so do I, " said Silverton, recently returned from a two week trip to Israel. "On my trip the most interesting dishes were vegetarian. I am already introducing my take on the best vegetable-based dishes at Pizzeria Mozza." 

Former Chi Spacca manager Theresa Gluck said she has known of Colby's "vegetarian tendencies" for years, but kept it a secret "for the sake of Nancy and for the sake of the staff." Still, she said it was that very secret which made her leave Spacca more than a year ago.

"I just couldn't do it anymore," said Gluck, the general manager of HomeState. "It was soul sucking. Training the staff to believe he was the 'Willy Wonka of Meat'. Telling the guests. All the lies, iies, lies. I just couldn't lie anymore."

Some insiders at Chi Spacca, part of the Mozza Kingdom on Highland and Melrose, said one of the reasons behind Colby's departure was his fascination with the small batch jams and toasts famously served at Sqirl on Virgil Avenue in Silverlake.. 

"I really don't think Chad ever fully got over the magazine article that rated Jessica [Koslow] and Sqirl waaaay above Spacca," said Arthur Rubashov, professor emeritus of restaurant behavioral psychology at the University of Budapest. "It apparently was his "Darkness at Noon" moment.

Chi Spacca, which Mozza owners Silverton, Joe Bastianich and Mario Batali nurtured from Colby's then-fascination with cured meats, has grown into one of the most desirable tables in America. So much so that the United Kingdom's foremost restaurant critic, Sir Charles Dillingsworth, recently said "the only rival in the world to Spacca when it comes to a meat restaurant is "Il Gran Palazzo di Carne", the newly-opened joint venture of Mario Batali and Tuscan butcher Dario Cecchini, located in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean.  

(To read more on the Cecchini Batali restaurant - http://krikorianwrites.com/blog/2015/4/13/dario-cecchini-and-mario-batali-to-open-carne-palace-restaurant-in-middle-of-atlantic

What was Silverton's take on Colby moving on?

"As for Chad, I wish him success," Silverton said. "Just one thing. Remind me again, though. Which one was he?"

Australian-born chef Curtis Stone, best known for having invented the saying "no worries", has privately indicated he would hire Colby, if the chef agrees to enter "Fuck Zucchini" a rehab program for vegetarians based in Vernon  

Long time Chi Spacca fans were perplexed by the sudden news of the departure of Colby whose last night in front of the ovens will be Wednesday, June 3. 

"This reminds me of when Arthur Koestler denounced communism after being an active party member for over 20 years," said a dejected Dan Perrelli, one of Spacca's most loyal customers. "You just can't trust anyone with talent."

 .

Critics Hail Dana's Bytes As "Restaurant of the Future", But Protesters Mar Grand Openng

Inside the gates of Lambert Ridge Winery in Healdsburg this weekend, the lucky 25 people who finagled their way to the grand opening of Dana's Bytes - the most anticipated new American restaurant of 2015 - were marveling at its delicious food, its conviviality and its innovative concept that does not employ servers, sommeliers, busers, or even dishwashers. 

Outside however, more than 200 servers, soms, busers and dishwashers were staging a loud - and at times even vitriolic protest - fearing the new restaurant of Boulevard's chef de cuisine Dana Younkin would so revolutionize the restaurant industry they would soon be standing not on the kitchen firing line, but rather in the unemployment line. 

As patrons filed in, dozens of dishwashers loudly chanted  "You've got a date with an unclean plate" and scores more servers yelled  "Dana's bytes will not delight"  Sonoma County Sheriff's were on hand to keep the peace, but six protesters were arrested on disorderly conduct and failure to disperse charges.

"They have wiped out the entire front of the house," said Alysabeth Alexander, vice president of politics for SEIU 1021, a service employees union local for San Francisco. "Maybe it's good thing. They will see how much service employees will be missed."

But, no one seemed to be missing the front of the house at Dana Bytes. In fact, the mood on the sloping yard inside the winery could not have been more celebratory. Fortunate diners simply approached chef Dana as she was cutting a prime rib of Thompson River Ranch beef, sliced off a gloriously marbled piece and - while still on the knife - handed it to the nearly salivating crowd

Diners, glasses of wine in hand, mingled about like they were at a terrific house party rather than a restaurant, stopping by the outdoor kitchen island where Younkin, assisted by Nancy Oakes and Nancy Silverton, handed out the superb beef as well as Maine lobster claws and lamb chops cut from a rack, all finished off in two wood burning ovens behind them.

Platters of morels, asparagus and "day-dug" potatoes were laid out on the kitchen island.

Nancy Silverton, who provided to mozzarella-based  appetizers for the opening,   said this is the way she's been eating for years.

"I love this way to eat. standing up in a kitchen or before a outdoor grill, giving out bites to friends," said Silverton. "I'm glad somebody is finally taking it to the public. I am going to open a similar place in the Green Meadows area of Los Angeles. "

With San Francisco's minimum wage set at $12.25 an hour and set to go $15 per hour on July 1,  2018, many restaurants analyze predicted more restaurant would be going to the Dana's Bytes format which has already come to be known as "Goin' Younkin"

"I think at my next restaurant I might be Goin' Younkin," said Dominique Crenn, of San Francisco revered Atelier Crenn. "I think at certain restaurants there will always be a need for the front of the house, But, at others, like at Dana's Bytes, they may not. We are constantly hearing about farm-to-table. Why not from the chef's hand-to-the-diner's mouth?"

Jessica Sweedler, chief development officer of Meals on Wheels of San Francisco who was at the opening of Dana's Bytes, said she was considering ways to implement the Goin' Younkin format into the organizations fight against the neglect and malnutrition of seniors.

"I can envision chefs all over town knocking on doors and handing delicious - and nutritional  - bites to our seniors," said Sweedler as she stuffed morels and peas into her mouth. "Who needs dirty dishes?"

Technically Dana's Bytes did employee one front of the house worker, Richard Crocker, chief of staff at Boulevard where he oversees 500 employees. Crocker was seen running about, picking up wine glass, refiling them, piling up dirty plates and rushing them off to a small cleaning station inside  the winery.  By the end of the evening, the haggard-looking Crocker was seated off alone in the now-empty yard drinking a Negroni,   "I'd tell someone to get me another drink," Crocker said, "But, there's not a god damn server in sight." 

server amy woho mae mor than 450000 a year sare epxected to ak et the new minume wages. 

Seven Dining Highlights In Chicago, Spring 2015, James Beard Weekend

Twenty minutes before our dinner reservations at Next, we made a stop at Publican to eat. That's how it was gonna be in Chicago, the weekend for the 2015 James Beard Awards, the first ever held in the "City with Big Shoulders". (Check out the Carl Sandburg poem "Chicago" below.) 

Here are the dining highlights of that three-night trip last weekend with Nancy Silverton, chef Dahlia Narvaez, chef Chris Feldmeier, chef Liz "Go Go" Hong and Chicago legend chef Matt Kim.

1. Tournedos Rossini  at  Next -  The theme for Next, Grant Achatz's sometimes futuristic/sometimes throwback brilliant restaurant on West Fulton Market, was Paris Bistro. When I saw this Careme or Escoffier ( debatable, still) classic tribute to the composer on the enticing menu  I told the server "bring whatever you think, but just make sure one of the plates is Tournedos Rossini."  The kitchen, led by executive chef Dave Beran and chef de cuisine Jenner Tomaska came on strong with about half of the menu. But, the peak was the Rossini, the heart of the filet of beef on buttered toast, topped with foie gras and black truffles bathed in a  veal stock, butter, truffle, foie gras and Madeira sauce as dark as the Southside and as rich as the Gold Coast.

The dish was described by Jeff Gordinier in a 2012 New York Times article "A Pool of Memories", as "...if you want a phrase that summons all the voluptuous pleasure of haute cuisine in its heyday, “tournedos Rossini” does the trick." 

It did the trick at Next.  Liz "Go Go" Hong kept repeating "The steak. The steak. The steak" like she was a,gourmet Col. Kurtz.         The current menu is Tapas.   https://www.nextrestaurant.com/website/faq       

2. Stuffed Parpardelle  at - Nico Osteria -  When our lunch crew saw this on the menu at Nico Osteria, Feldmeier said "How the fuck do you stuff a parpardelle?" (Or maybe I said that.)  I'm still not sure. Maybe with a razor blade, like the way Paulie sliced the garlic in "Good Fellas". How ever chef de cusine Erling Wu-Bower did it at this Rush Street newcomer, he did it right. Stuffed with milk-braised pork, it was pasta dish of the trip, and a contender for the prestigious POTS** award,. 

Nico Osteria is from the team of executive chef Paul Kahan and Donnie Madia, who won the James Beard Award for Outstanding Restaurateur  in the United States this year.    http://www.nicoosteria.com/

3. Sopa Azteca at Frontera Grill -  Where do you take Dario Cecchini, the world's most famous butcher, to dinner in Chicago? To a Mexican restaurant, Nancy figured. So it was Frontera Grill,the less cutting edge of Rick Bayless' two adjoining homages to the food south of the border. The other is Topolobampo.

There was much to enjoy (Nancy ate nearly a half  liter of guacamole (with chips) at the bar before Dario and his storied wife Kimberly arrived), but these little sopa stood out. They were tortilla cups with pasilla broth, chicken, avocado, some local cheese and crema.      http://www.rickbayless.com/restaurants/frontera-grill/

4. Gerry's Adobo Dog at Publican Quality Meats - GerryRuiz is one of the butcher's at Publican Quality Meats  - and nephew of George "I'll Stuff My Chorizo in Your Dates" Ruiz -  and he makes a mean "Latinized" version of the classic Chicago hot dog. It's adobo sausage, chimichurri, avocado, cilantro pickled cucumber, onion and mojo rojo on a lobster roll.

Chef de cuzine Missy Corey had previously rejected Gerry's idea of a Gerry's adobo soda pop, a Gerry's adobo gelato, a Gerry's adobo Wellington and a Gerry's rack of adobo before admitting he was finally on to something with the adobo dog     http://publicanqualitymeats.com/

5, Assorted fett' unta at Nico Osteria. - These, thick-sliced, olive-oiled brushed bread, one topped with baccala, dungeness crab and celery another with brussels sprouts and some cheese, were resistible, but barely.  

6.  Garrett caramel popcorn tin  in the hotel room  -  This was in a goodie bag Nancy got from the James Beard people and was devoured late at night in our hotel room. Say what? Oh, what hotel did we stay at?  The Waldorf Astoria.  (Always wanted to say that, even if this one ain't on Park Avenue.)     http://www.garrettpopcorn.com/

7. Fritos,   Original  - I flew , damn, I really am blanking on the. oh , yeah Frontier Airlines. Don't. Two night flights provided no food or drink except some room temp water.  So the 50 cent bag of Fritos I had in my computer case were relished like they were, like they were tournedos Rossini. Well, not quite.    http://www.fritolay.com/snacks/product-page/fritos/

What? I can't hear you. Speak up, G. Oh, what hotel did we stay at? The Waldorf.

** POTS - Pasta of the Spring

Parpardelle stuffed with pork. What a gig. A parpardelle stuffer

Tournedos rossini

Chicago

BY CARL SANDBURG

Hog Butcher for the World,

   Tool Maker, Stacker of Wheat,

   Player with Railroads and the Nation's Freight Handler;

   Stormy, husky, brawling,

   City of the Big Shoulders:

They tell me you are wicked and I believe them, for I have seen your painted women under the gas lamps luring the farm boys.

And they tell me you are crooked and I answer: Yes, it is true I have seen the gunman kill and go free to kill again.

And they tell me you are brutal and my reply is: On the faces of women and children I have seen the marks of wanton hunger.

And having answered so I turn once more to those who sneer at this my city, and I give them back the sneer and say to them:

Come and show me another city with lifted head singing so proud to be alive and coarse and strong and cunning.

Flinging magnetic curses amid the toil of piling job on job, here is a tall bold slugger set vivid against the little soft cities;

Fierce as a dog with tongue lapping for action, cunning as a savage pitted against the wilderness,

   Bareheaded,

   Shoveling,

   Wrecking,

   Planning,

   Building, breaking, rebuilding,

Under the smoke, dust all over his mouth, laughing with white teeth,

Under the terrible burden of destiny laughing as a young man laughs,

Laughing even as an ignorant fighter laughs who has never lost a battle,

Bragging and laughing that under his wrist is the pulse, and under his ribs the heart of the people,

                   Laughing!

Laughing the stormy, husky, brawling laughter of Youth, half-naked, sweating, proud to be Hog Butcher, Tool Maker, Stacker of Wheat, Player with Railroads and Freight Handler to the Nation.

At Long Last Love; Nancy's Fancy Goes On Sale Thursday At Gelson's

There are jackets, then there is the Marni runway coat. There's grape juice then, there is the  '47 Chateau Cheval Blanc. There are watches, then there is the Rolex Paul Newman Daytona. There are cars and there is the 1962 Ferrari GTO. These are the “zultra premium” options. 

Now, at long last, the world of frozen treats has a zultra premium option: “Nancy’ Fancy”, the gelato and sorbetto of Nancy Silverton and it will be available this Thursday, May 7th at Gelson's Markets throughout Los Angeles. Soon, markets throughout America will be offering Nancy's Fancy .

You may have noticed Nancy’s Fancy was defined simply as “the gelato and sorbetto of Nancy Silverton”.  Superlatives on Nancy could be used lavishly – and with truth.  But, like the '47 Cheval or the '62 GTO, time and coolness will soon prove that the mere mention of Nancy’s Fancy shall simply come to mean the best.

But, since Chef Silverton, co-founder of Pizzeria Mozza, Osteria Mozza and Chi Spacca, is not a “TV chef” and not a household name across America, let me boast about her. Check this out. Nancy Silverton is the only chef in the United States to win the James Beard Award for Outstanding Chef in American and the James Beard Award for Outstanding Pastry Chef in America. Like Muhammad Ali used to say, “It ain’t bragging if it’s true.”

When we asked 20 of the greatest chefs in America to give their comments on the prospects of having gelato and sorbetto made by Nancy readily available across America, every one of them replied with great anticipation, to put it calmly. Mario Batali responded in less than two minutes with a tantalizingly poetic preview for what gelato and sorbetto lovers across the land will soon be able to enjoy. World famous master chef Daniel Boulud poured on the praise. San Francisco’s Dominique Crenn, the only female chef in America with two Michelin stars, responded with a text so titillating only adults over the age of 35 should be allowed to read it.  Chris Bianco, the master pizzaiola from Pizzeria Bianco in Phoenix, echoed Roy Scheider in the movie “Jaws” and announced “I’m gonna need a bigger spoon.”

Silverton and Dahlia Narvaez, herself  a James Beard Award winner in 2016 for best pastry chef in America, worked for months sourcing, mixing, freezing, tasting, tuning, tasting, refining and tasting ensued.  The glorious result is Nancy’s Fancy.

Scoop into the FLAVORS page of Nancy's Fancy site to see what frozen treats will be waiting for you in stores soon

1962 Frank Sinatra "At Long Last Love"

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y4GfV0pf_zQ

"At Long Last Love"
Is it an earthquake or simply a shock?
Is it the good turtle soup or merely the mock?
Is it a cocktail, this feeling of joy?
Or is what I feel the real McCoy?

Is it for all time or simply a lark?
Is it Granada I see or only Asbury Park?
Is it a fancy not worth thinking of?
Or is it at long last love?
 

Surgery To Remove Bottle of Champagne Attached to Mike Hoagland's Body Called "Dismal Failure"

When two young doctors at the Mayo Clinic announced last week they were confident they could removed the bottle of champagne attached to Michael (Mike) Hoalgland's right rib cage, medical professionals from Napa to Reims were encouraged, yet skeptical.

Sunday morning, the skeptical side won out as the surgery proved to be what one hospital administrator called a "dismal failure."

"There were high hopes the bottle could be removed, but i think deep down most of us knew it was unlikely," said Douglas P. Zamensky, CFO* of the Mayo Clinic, generally thought to be the world's greatest hospital named after a sandwich spread. 

Hoagland, who once considered a career as  PGA golfer until he made up his mind to be an professional alcoholic, had for several years denied rumors the champagne bottle was actually attached to his body. In an effort to dissuade those rumors, Hoagland, a former server at Osteria Mozza, would changed the labels on the stuck-to-his-ribs bottle.

"I had heard the rumors, but then I'd see Mike with a Krug Grand Cuvee bottle, then a Dom Perignon Rose, then a Pol Roger Winston Churchill and I figured it couldn't be the same bottle." said Pilar Arias, the storied three Michelin-starred server formerly of Pizzeria Mozza.  "But, the way he would poured the bottle was weird.  Always with that crazy handstand, It was impressive at first. Then cute, But, after a while it was like 'Just pour that motherfucker.' Now, I know why. i hope MIke will be all right."

"I Just Want To Say...", Nancy Silverton Begins Palestinian Israeli Peace Negotiations in Jerusalem

Tired of the bullshit, American chef Nancy Silverton has decided the key to unlocking the door to lasting peace between Israel and Palestine is for her to just go there and start cooking and eating and drinking. So she did. 

"I think food and wine are the missing negotiation ingredients in the seemingly endless conflicts between two people who both love the same things," said Silverton, the only chef to win the James Beard Award for best chef and best pastry chef in America. "Look, you can argue forever who made the first hummus, but why? The key is to eat the best hummus together, have some good kebab,  some great red wine, and then quote Rodney King."

"I just want to say, you know, can we, can we all get along" Can we get along?" - Rodney Glen KIng III, May 1, 1992

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1sONfxPCTU0

Dario Cecchini and Mario Batali To Open Meat Palace Restaurant on Island in Middle of Atlantic Ocean

New York City's most famous chef, Mario Batali, and Italy's most famous butcher, Dario Cecchini, are joining forces to open a meat-themed restaurant in an unlikely location; an island almost smack daube in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean.

After considering both Manhattan and Tuscany as sites, the two foodie superstars have finally agreed to meet roughly halfway from each other's home turf and that turns out to be Flores Island, the westernmost island of the Azores Archipelago 

Tentatively entitled il Gran Palazzo di Carne, the joint venture came about after Batali and Cecchini had lunch last year at Katz's Famous Delicatessen in New York and began toying with the idea of uniting to form what one food professional called "A Temple to the Cow". 

"This could be the greatest thing to happened to beef since Moses put two cows on that ark of his," said Sir Charles Dillingsworth, the United Kingdom's foremost food critic, but also a man woefully inept when it comes to ark ownership. 

Neither Batali nor Cecchini would comment on the project.

However, Cecchini's wife, the American-born Kimberly Wicks, was caught off guard when asked about the apparently tight-lipped collaboration. "I can't believe you found out about it!", she said in an E-mail reply from Tuscany.

A leading travel agent in the Mid East said when she heard of the partnership of Cecchini and Batali "it was one of those It's about time" moments. 

"Mario and Dario together makes total sense," said Julianne Nebuchadnezzar  from "Let's Get Away Now and I Mean Right Now!!" a popular travel agency based in Fallujah, Iraq. "If one is traveling from America to Europe, or from the Middle East to America, a stopover in Flores Island not only breaks up the flight, it provides a special destination dining adventure that will rank high on anybody's fucket list."  

Flores Island, with a population of about 3,900 - mostly-Portuguese -inhabitants,  gets it name from the profusion of wild flowers, ( especially hydrangeas)  that grow, ugh, um, wild on the island. The main municipality is Santa Cruz, where il Gran Palazzo di Carne will be located. 

Mario Batali, holding the flag of flores island, and dario cecchini, wearing the traditional red pants of flores island

Wanted Chef Dominique Crenn - Superhero to Many, Anarchist to Others - Returns To Los Angeles, Arrest Imminent

Nearly one year after she fled town following a very public assault, renowned chef Dominique Crenn is returning to Los Angeles where a warrant for her arrest remains active.

Crenn, who assaulted a rare and endangered Japanese Suzuki fish while it was in the possession of chef Josiah Citrin, is expected to be arrested as soon as she enters city limits which could be as early as Thursday, authorities said. ( http://krikorianwrites.com/blog/2014/3/23/chef-dominique-crenn-wanted-by-police-flees-to-france )

"We will have officers waiting at LAX, Union Station and various highway entrances to the city limits," said former LAPD homicide detective Sal LaBarbera, now in charge of the City of Los Angeles'  Fugitive Warrant Division (FWD). "I'm stunned she is coming back knowing full well she will be arrested. However, I understand she is not adverse to being handcuffed."

Crenn, the only woman chef in America with two Michelin stars - earned at her San Francisco restaurant Atelier Crenn -   will be risking the arrest to participate in the second annual All-Star Chef Classic event at the L.A. Live , the scene of the crime last year. 

"I have come to save the world from the mundane, from the cliche, from the boring," Crenn said in a phone interview at an undisclosed site. (A global positioning unit later pin-pointed the site as the southwest corner of Highland and Melrose.) 

Sources in the LAPD said it was very possible Crenn would be allowed to compete in tonight's All Star Chef Classic once she posts bail after her arrest.  Bail is expected to be set at $500,000. Pressure by the Japanese government is being cited as the chief reason the high bail, normally set at $100,00 for this crime.

Chef Jonathan Waxman believes the Los Angeles District Attorney's Office would face an uphill battle if they decide to press charges and take Crenn to trial for assault. 

"The main witness was consumed [and] therefore unable to testify, hence her ability to circumnavigate the charges," said Waxman, who will be at the L.A. Live event Saturday. .

Chef Citrin, whose restaurant Melisse in Santa Monica also has two Michelin stars, said he was going to avoid Crenn at the event.

"I'm going to keep my mise en place as far from her as possible," said Citrin "I'm avoiding danger this year."

In the brief phone interview, Crenn said that her actions,  her passions and even her recipes will all be unveiled in her first book, "Dominique Crenn: Metamorphosis of Taste" which is available for pre-order at http://www.amazon.com/Atelier-Crenn-Metamorphosis-Taste-Dominique/dp/0544444671  

Atelier Crenn: Metamorphosis of Taste

By Dominique Crenn

Nancy Silverton, seen below in a photo taken at the Mozza Kingdom with a woman who resembles Crenn, could not be reached for comment.

.

Jeremiah Henderson Suspended After Only One Week As Beverage Director of Heaven's Best Restaurant

After yelling 'This beer and wine list sucks!" in the main dining room of "The First Supper", the greatest restaurant in all of heaven and the entire solar system, beverage director Jeremiah James Henderson, 32, was suspended for five working days by his boss, God, 4,569,269,007.

Henderson, who landed the prestigious job just a week ago after a relatively brief stint on the much-maligned, though extremely promising planet Earth, said the restaurant's chef, Georges Auguste Escoffier, was "too damn slow" in implementing his new beverage and food pairing suggestions. Henderson let this be known in the middle of Friday night service at the 667 star Michelin restaurant on the Southside of Heaven that serves only 250,000 fortunate diners a night.

"Look, kid, these old farts are still using a wine, booze and beer list curated  by Dionysus and Bacchus,' said Henderson with his infectious. but mischievously boyish  smile. "Dionysus was good.  Bacchus, too.. In their time, kiddo. In their time. Things have changed. Hell, they are still have Olde Babylon 800 in cans, for god's sake. They're still pouring  the Battle of Arbela Syrah, Alexander the Great Vineyard, 331 b.c. by the glass. Even Alexander himself thought that shit was way too tannic. Duder, in five or six centuries no one will be drinking red wine, anyway. Plus, God has his kid running the place and he's never there "

That "kid", General Manager Jesus Christ, 2014, who critics also say is rarely at his restaurant, preferring to travel and promote his own brands and self-help books, was reached in East Saturn where he is opening a branch of the popular "La Buffet 'd Jesus Christ." chain. 

"Jeremiah? I love that guy," said Christ, a carpenter by trade. "A week in and i love him.  He's got the fire. But, maybe a week off might chill him down a bit.  Look, I wouldn't have hired him if he didn't have the passion.  And do you have any idea how many "somms" come to heaven and tell me or John the Baptist they know all about wine, booze, beer and shit? But, Jeremiah, he did know. But, he also knew not to take it too seriously.." 

However, Christ said it wasn't the vast food and beverage knowledge that convinced him to hire Henderson, but rather a particular correspondence with an Earthling.

"In key positions here, before I take on anyone, I like to talk to the family and friends of the potential hire from their previous world," said Christ who grew up in a small town on Earth without a "normal" father. "So i talked to Jeremiah's father, cat named River Rock Mike,  He told me something that I thought was so moving, so soulful.  He told me that his son 'Jeremy wasn't bigger than life. He made the lives of others bigger.' 

"I heard that and I told our host, St. Peter 'That JJ guy ever come up in here and I'm on tour, hire him on the spot. You feel me, Pete?'  That's why we hired him. Because of what his father said. Not because he could blind identify a 149,000,047 B.C. Screaming Pterodactyl."

But,  after three days on the job, Henderson began to clash with Escoffier and chef de cuisine Fernand Point over the future direction of The First Supper's food and beverage parings. Jeremiah was urging the kitchen to incorporate more Thai and Vietnamese dishes on the menu, food he knew matched well with wines and beers he loved. That didn't go over well. Monday night, Jeremiah took a 10 and had a martini with a bleu cheese-stuffed olive backed with a tumbler of garage-made California Apple cider he had brought with him from Earth. He then returned to the dining room and let it rip.

After being suspended during service, Henderson stormed out of the restaurant and went to a hill overlooking the entire world and sat on a lone chair arranged to appreciate the view. A reporter caught up with him. Henderson rose from the chair. He started getting nostalgic for his previous jobs, all of them on Earth, which looked so little, so fragile, yet so damn achingly beautiful  on this heavenly night. Henderson took off his L.A, Kings cap and wiped his brow with the back of his wrist. He sniffled a few times and his eyes grew as shiny as the stars when he wondered aloud what his family and his beloved crew were doing. He even lamented leaving so soon.  

"I wonder if they're missing me. You think they miss me, bud?"

The reporter assured them they did indeed. "Very much so. More than you know."

Henderson pointed to the now-vacant chair. "My crew used to make fun of me because I was always late. They'd send me pictures of an empty chair like that one and say I was there in spirit. Sweet, huh?"

Yeah.

"Earth gets a bad rap lotta the times, but when it's on, bud, when it's on, no place in the universe can beat it. One time, I had the crew dancing to James Brown on a hardwood floor in their stocking feet, sliding around and jumping on the bed like we was five-years-old. Pure, unfiltered, unrestrained  joy. Get on up!" I'll always remember that. Get on up!" 

The reporter asked if Henderson was concerned when he came back to work in a week that he would still have his job at The First Supper.

"I'm not worried at all," said Henderson as he gazed off at Mount Olympus. "But, either way, it's bool.  I hear Zeus is hiring. Yowza!"

Then Jeremiah Henderson looked even further away. Off at galaxies so distant they don't even have formal names. "Maybe I'll just go traveling. Rock a few casbahs.  Hey, kid, you know the best part about traveling?"

The reporter thought about that for awhile, then said 'No. What?'

"Gettin' lost."

This story was reported by Mike Henderson, Taylor Grant, Kate Baratta, Alexis S. Kozac, Gary Alan (who is often mistakenly called Alan Gary),  Bethany Walls, Jared Hooper, Adam Vourvoulis, Verona Masongsong, Daniel Flores, Kim Trac, Rachel Kerswell, Matthew Kaner and  Kate Green. It was written by Morty Goldstein, Jr.

Twitter nom is  @makmak47