NANCY SILVERTON TAKES A SHOWER

BY JIMMY DOLAN., Mozza Tribune Staff Writer

Last fall, when Mozza chef Nancy Silverton, her director of operations Kate Greenberg and a journalist went to the Four Seasons Cabo Del Sol resort in Baja, Mexico, they were awash in luxury. From their huge showers, to the small wading pool adjoining their rooms to the warm, awaiting Sea of Cortez, they lived the good life as clean as could be.

The trio’s next trip together was the polar opposite. In fact, you could call it the polar bear opposite. It was on March 8th to Alaska to be a curious part of the famous Iditarod sled dog race. Nancy had been lured to the Winterlake Lodge, a luxury resort with Kirsten Dixon and her daughter Mandy Dixon, a Thomas Keller trained chef, in a town where the closest post office and market was an hour away by helicopter. She was to take park in what was billed as an “Ice Cream Social”, a gathering featuring her renowned Nancy’s Fancy gelati served in the main lodge.

The Winterlake is at the Finger Lake stop on the Iditarod, a nearly 1,000 mile dog sled race from Anchorage to Nome that always brings to my mind the wonderful 1903 Jack London novel “The Call of the Wild” about a dog named Buck from Santa Clara Valley, California who is dognapped, shipped to Alaska and forced to compete in a (fictionally) extremely brutal sled dog race.

Normally the Lodge would host this upscale event and have the dog sled drivers, their crews and those rich enough to stay at Winterlake. But, because of Covid, the lodge would only allow Nancy, Kate and Michael and the other six guests into the dining area.

The three of us stayed in rooms about 600 feet from the main lodge. And one of stunning features of the rooms is they had no running water. None. They turn off the water in the rooms this year because, I guess, they know they will burst. To shower, we would have to walk the 600 feet to a dining area, past the yoga room, past the main lobby, past the bar, past the music room and into a bathroom that had a shower.

In the five days they were there, Nancy, Kate and Michael took a grand total of two showers. That’s not two showers each, that’s two showers total for the three people.  Nancy Silverton took no showers at Winterlake. None.

Now, if you know Nancy like this Tribune reporter does, you know she is one of the most carefully-cleaned, well-groomed and brilliantly dressed people on Earth. So, for her to go five days without a shower is unheard of.

Still, she somehow managed to look as fresh as the icicles hanging from the eves of the lodge every morning.  She would almost brag to her entourage, “I’m not gonna take a shower today.”  The trek to the shower was a turn off more than the temptation of hot water.

But, when she got home, Nancy Silverton took a shower.  Still, to this reporter, she didn’t look any more beautiful than she did at our experience in the Call of the Wild.  

EDITOR’S NOTE This story is the sequel to Nancy Silverton Has A Cold http://www.krikorianwrites.com/blog/2015/10/17/nancy-silverton-has-a-cold

Which was a take on one of the classics of new journalsim, April 1966 Esquire article by Gay Talese called “Frank Sinatra Has A Cold”

OSTERIA ENTRANCE, PART 2; CAR CRASHES INTO MOZZA FRONT DOORS... AGAIN, DULL MOMENTS ARE RARE ON “THE CORNER”

Less than a week after it reopened Osteria Mozza took another powerful punch to the gut, but got right back up.  Well, everything but the doors.

Shortly after noon Monday, a car slammed into the front entrance of Osteria Mozza, ruining the front doors and bruising the big cabinet inside but injuring no humans.

“We’ve taken many blows before and we always get back up and start swinging and we will do the same with this,” said chef/owner Nancy Silverton “We will be open as scheduled on Wednesday.” 

Kate “KGB” Greenberg, Mozza Director of Operations, was on the phone with the insurance company about damages from the May, 2020 riot on The Corner when she heard the what sounded like an explosion.  “I had just hung up on a call about the riot here and then I hear this giant crash sound,” Kate said. “Dull moments are rare on The Corner.” 

Nancy said she was working on a coconut cupcake when Kate walked up to her. “In cool and calm Kate Greenberg fashion she said ‘Someone just crashed into the Osteria front doors.”.

Like most sequels, this one was not as good as the original.

On April 18, 2015 a Toyota Tundra erupted into the Osteria during staff lunch, lovingly known as “Chicken Time”. Legendary pasta man Alex Vasquez was injured by a falling pillar, something he gets to brag about. I mean how many of us can say we were injured by a falling pillar?.

The damage then was se extensive Osteria closed for nine days.

The crash was likely caused by a left turn from northbound Highland to westbound Melrose, something that President Biden has vowed to outlaw.

On another Mozza front, that coconut cupcake Nancy was working on will be the best of its kind ever. But you probably figured that out already.

KATE GREENBERG OFFICIALLY ELECTED 2020 MOZZA EMPLOYEE OF THE YEAR

In what many are calling a long overdue recognition, Kate Greenberg, Mozza’s Director of Operations, has officially won the 2020 Mozza Employee of the Year Award, considered one of the most prestigious honors in the United States restaurant industry.

Greenberg, affectionately known aka “KGB”, was sitting with chef/owner Nancy Silverton in Mozza2Go at the storied Los Angeles corner of Highland and Melrose when a Tribune delivery boy handed her the hot-off-the-press newspaper with a banner headline declaring her the winner of the distinguished award. Kate was speechless. Then she smiled sweetly and shyly and hugged the delivery boy.

“I’m so happy for Kate,” said Nancy as she sipped on a 1961 ginger-infused water, her new Chateau Latour. “2020 has clearly been the most difficult year, but Kate stepped up. I’m happy for Kate Greenberg.”

Joe Bastianich, Mozza-co-owner and Italian wine producer was also please by the news. He issued the following statement: “Wise beyond her years, mightier than she appears, Kate Greenberg has been a true leader in the most difficult of times. Our industry is lucky to have a young woman like Kate Greenberg to lead us into a future of immense opportunities. Congratulations, Kate.”

In San Francisco, renowned chef Dominique Crenn said “When you’re good, you’re good. But, when you’re extraordinary, you are a true bad ass. Congratulations Kate. You are a bad ass.”

Terry Malloy, who went to school briefly with Kate, told her, “I just mean to tell you you grew up very nice.”

But, not everyone was thrilled with the news. Especially other candidates.

When asked by Tribune reporter Jimmy Dolan if she had congratulated Kate on her victory, Jennifer Beech, Mozza’s party planner and one of the eight finalists, huffed passed the journalist and brusquely said “I don’t want to talk about it. And Jimmy, I don’t trust you. And that’s on the record and you can put that in your fucked-up newspaper.“

After Friday’s official declaration protestors briefly stormed the Mozza Tribune’s offices in the notorious Folsom Lot of Nickerson Gardens housing project in Watts off of Imperial Highway, but were repelled by Big Hank, Loaf, Kartoon, Honcho and even Cleamon “Big Evil” Johnson. Dolan was not at the office during the confrontation.

Later, Dolan, widely considered the Tribune’s ace reporter, faced a cold reception from Osteria Mozza cooks Herbert “Herbie” Yuen, Nico Rodriguez and Marisa Takenaka following news of the Greenberg win. “The only reason we are allowing you in the kitchen Jimmy is to tell you we are demanding a recount,” Herbie said.

When told of Yuen’s reaction, Greenberg, who grew up not far from the notorious San Quentin Prison, smiled and simply said “Oh, Herbie.” As a unification gesture Greenberg brought the kitchen a very large bottle of some blue bottle tequila. Knowing the kitchen staff, that bottle, big as it was, won’t be around long.

Aside from the responsibilities that come with the title, Greenberg will receive a wide variety of treasures including rare wines, a two-night stay at the Ojai Valley Inn, at least two burritos from Burritos La Palma, two chivis from Sonoratown, Aryton Senna on call to move her GTB 251 from alleys, an autographed copy of the book “Southside” and the only known printed out copy of “Knuckles”.

ER NURSES WHO CARED FOR MICHAEL SINGER AT BERKSHIRE MEDICAL CENTER REQUEST TRANSFER TO ALEPPO HOSPITAL

Late into the night at the Berkshire Medical Center in Pittsfield, Massachusetts, an emergency room nurse erased the last five letters of a patient’s name on the clipboard hanging from the entrance to his room. The erasure left only a single “S”. .The nurse then tip-toed back into the hallway, checked to see if anyone was coming, went back to the clipboard and added some letters. She added an “A” in front of the “S”, peeked back to check the hallway again and then, with a shaking hand, added three more letters after that those two.

When the daytime nurse Julia Milholland arrived for her shift, she was perplexed to see the new name on the clipboard.

“Hey, Layla,” she called out to the nurse-in-charge, “Did Mike discharge? Or did he get moved to a different ward?”

Layla Raqqa didn’t even bother to look up from her computer and simply said “No, Cranky is still there.”

“I read few years back Singer had his crankiness surgically removed,” Nurse Julia said.

“Don’t believe everything you read,” Layla replied. “Why do you ask?”

“Well,” said Julia, “The name on the clipboard outside his front door says “Assad”.

Gwen burst into laughter. “Hmmf.. Maybe Hafez, the old man. The kid, Bashar, wouldn’t be as ornery as Singer.”

That was last Saturday morning a few days after Michael Singer. the legendary investigative news producer had been admitted to a hospital for a seared kidney (without a ‘78 La Tache). To say he had not been the most pleasant of patients would be like saying 2020 has been a rough flu season.

At least nine personnel, including five nurses, demanded they be transferred to other hospitals. Four of them said they would prefer to be at Aleppo’s notorious Community Hospital rather than have to deal with Singer.

“Okay, Aleppo is the world’s most dangerous place, I get that,” said RN Mary Wilson, “But, least people there don’t call me an quote, unquote, ‘You butterhole idiot’ How does Ruth Reichl put up with him? I love Ruth, but it kinda makes me wonder about her. And their kid seems like he has no grumpy at all.”

Silas Moranavich, a prominent New England word examiner, said Singer broke several records during his time at Berkshire MC including saying the word “incompetent” 54 times, uttering’ “dumb ass” 46 times, and evoking Jesus Christ more than 100 times in a single evening, including 14 “Jesus Christ, you’re an idiot” and 13 “Jesus Christ, who the fuck told you to become a nurse?”

Singer was released from the hospital last week and is said to be doing much better and his grumpiness levels have dropped from the 97-100 range to below 30 Normal range is 0-15.

MORE THAN 78 SENATORS URGE NANCY SILVERTON TO ORDER ELYSSA PHILLIPS TO STOP CALLING THEM IMMEDIATELY

BY JIMMY DOLAN

In a show of unity not seen this historic year, 78 United States Senators signed a pledge to vote for the Restaurant Relief Act, with one proviso; Nancy Silverton needs to order an employee to stop the constant telephone calls to their offices.

“We will vote for whatever package you want, Nancy, but please tell her to stop with the constant kveching,” said Lamar Bitch Alexander, (R- TN). “Please make her stop.”    

The server, who thank Jesus and Muhammad , is not always at the Corner, is one Elyssa Phillips, a refugee from who knows where, who somehow got a job at the great Italian restaurant Osteria Mozza.

Phillips, age unknown, has thankfully not been on the Corner much lately with the shut down, but made a unusually quiet appearance Thursday with her sound level rarely approaching more the 107 decibels, the same peak as a 12 cylinder Ferrari 8GTB25.

“We are emphatically urging Nancy to put a stop to this,” said Sen. Diane Feinstein (D- Calif). “We have agreed to provide restaurants with all the goddamn money they want. We will especially give the Mozza Corner and extra 20 million. But, no more Calls!”

Republican majority leader – and certified asshole – Mitch McConnell agreed with Feinstein. “Tell her to stop and the cash will flow to the restaurants. It’s that simply.”

Nancy Silverton could no be reached for comment. No attempt was made to reach to Elyssa for obvious reasons.

.

ALTANTA DEMOCRATS UNITE WITH REPUBLICANS DEMANDING RALPH WAXMAN LEAVE GEORGIA IMMEDIATELY

In a rare show of unity not seen since Henry Aaron came to town, members of Atlanta’s democratic and republican parties held a joint press conference Wednesday at the Hyatt Regency demanding that controversial political rabble rouser Ralph Waxman either leave Georgia on his own or be escorted out by state police.

“Please, just get the hell out of town and go back to your own troubled city, “ said Stacey Abrams, Georgia’s leading voting rights activist. “While we appreciate his concern, his very appearance here is causing problems we just don’t need now.”

Waxman, a big time admirer of Abrams, was stunned by her statement. “Perhaps, Stacey is hitting the bottle, again,” Waxman suggested. “If that’s the case, then cool. Tell her to come to my room at Perry’s 6.5 Motel and I’ll have the Pappy waiting.”

Waxman had road tripped - and I do mean “tripped” - from his home in the Highland Park sector of Los Angeles to Georgia on a strange path that took him through Arizona ,New Mexico, Texas, Oklahoma, Arkansas, Louisiana, and in a drunken stupor he headed for the wrong Georgia and spent three days in the Gronzy, City Jail in Chechnya.

His arrival this week to the American state of Georgia was met with both excitement and concern. Waxman has an ability to get out the vote by his sheer determination and persistence. He will knock on your door and talk and talk and he will talk and just to get him to leave you will vote for whoever he says to vote for. In his most celebrated - nearly mythical - “vote switch” he convinced an elephant peace activist to vote for the great Carthaginian General Hannibal Barca for zookeeper before his 218 BC. Alps crossing.

Abrams, thinking local news would love a story about a San Diego native who works for Nancy Silverton, thought the media should focus more on the actual candidates rather than on Waxman. “We need to focus on these candidates, not Waxman, Though if that Pappy offer is still good, tell him I’ll be at the Motel 6.5 at about nine thirty. He’ll love it when I call him “Pappy”. They all do. And tell Perry to put on some clean sheets.”

ARPINE, THE YOUNG WOMAN FROM ARTSAKH WHO WON'T BE GOING HOME

For 26-year-old Arpine Harutyunyan the start of the war was not as earthshaking as the end of it.   

On that terrifying morning of September 27 Arpine was awakened – like most Artsakh (Karabakh) residents - by the sound of explosions. At her family’s home in the village of Kolkhozashen about 18 miles from Martuni, she gathered with her mother, sister and two brothers and sought shelter.

Within 48 hours, she was a refugee, living at a hotel in Goris. Her brothers were on the frontline. For six weeks she languished and anguished, mostly at the Mirhav boutique hotel which Trip Advisor says is the best place to stay in Southern Armenia. Not for Arpine ( pronounced AR-P- Neh) who was born in 1994, the year the first Karabakh war ended.

Then in the early morning hours of the 45th day of the war, it was suddenly and shockingly over. “I was heartbroken. I knew I could not go home.”

##

On October 28, the 32nd day of the fighting, I saw her sitting alone and thought immediately of my young friend Ida. They looked so alike. i told her that and she smiled warmly. Then she had a sad and beautiful look as she echoed Angelika Zakaryan, the CivilNET reporter, when Arpine said she hated being at this hotel and she couldn’t wait for the war to be over so she could go home.

The day we met, she was sitting alone at a wooden table in a pleasant garden, a pomegranate the lone food on her plate, a Lenovo ThinkPad on her lap. She didn’t look like a war refugee, rather a young woman on a weekend getaway.

She talks of her life, a life born weeks after the magnificent victory in 1994, a war she would learn that nearly killed her father.

“My mother was pregnant with me when my father was seriously injured in May 1994, but he struggled and miraculously survived.  I was born after the victory in September 1994 and lived for 26 years in unrecognized Artsakh, but with the psychology of a winner.”

That “psychology of a winner” was embellished knowing the great Monte Melkonian fought heroically near her village.

“I would not be wrong to say that every conscious Artsakh citizen knows about Monte. To me, Monte is a patriot, a man who knows how to love and dedicate himself completely.”

The so-called “4-Day War” of 2016 brought fear briefly, but that winner’s psychology prevailed, and by 2017 Arpine was working as a statistician at the Caroline Cox Rehabilitation Center in Stepanakert. The next year, Instigate Mobile, a Yerevan-based software engineering company, announced it was offering programming courses. This was Arpine’s field of expertise and soon she was working for them. She still does.

Then, on the morning of November 10 the war was over. Just like that. Over.

She was in bed at the Mirhav Hotel when she woke up.

“Usually, I don’t get up in the middle of the night, but today I had a strange feeling,” she said. “I woke up at 1:00 AM and opened Facebook for some news. First, I saw Nikol Pashinyan’s post regarding my homeland. I can’t explain what I felt that moment. I didn’t want to believe it. I was trembling all over my body. I thought about my brothers who are on the frontline in Artsakh. I thought about my village Kolkhozashen where my father is buried.”

Hours later she heard about her brothers, Mihran, 24, and Tigran, 19. They were both alive. The surrender agreement gave to the Azerbaijanis the areas they had taken control of. Arpine’s village had not been “taken”, but much of the area around it was under the enemy’s control.

“Yes, it’s good to stop fighting. It can save my brothers’ and other people’s lives. But nobody has the right to give Artsakh to the enemy. It is an insult to our living soldiers and our fallen soldiers. I can only say that they died for the sake of the homeland and now we are alive and homeless.”

Four days after the Russian brokered ceasefire, she’s still at the Mirhav and reflects on the war and what she calls “one signature”.

“I want to be honest. From the first day of the war, I realized that it was serious, that victory would be a miracle. But I did not expect such a result. I did not expect that we would lose Artsakh with one signature and the rest would hang in the air. 

“My village is still ours. I want to thank God. There were 250 residents. At the moment, the women have left with their children, but all the men are still in the village and they will stay there, including many of my relatives, but I personally cannot do that now. I want to repeat that I have lived in unrecognized Artsakh for 26 years, but I will never live in a defeated Artsakh.” 

Arpine Harutyunyan takes back her use of the word “defeated”.

“Or rather not defeated Artsakh, but betrayed. Monte's mission was not continued, and the Armenians closed the last page of history for this land with their own hands.”

READ More on CIVILNET, the Armenian News Agency here; . -
https://www.civilnet.am/news/2020/11/14/In-Goris-Artsakh-refugees-reflect-on-a-land-lost-with-one-signature/408058

FRONT LINE CAMPAIGN WORKERS LIKE RALPH WAXMAN HELPED WIN THE "BATTLE FOR THE SOUL OF AMERICA"

In a war, nobody ever knows the names of the front line soldiers except for their family or friend. Only they can tell you a name or a soldier who actually fought in the 2nd Battle of Fallujah or who defended the tractor factory in Stalingrad.

Same thing goes for the front line soldiers in the “Battle for the Soul of America”, those front liners who make the phone calls, go door-to-door hammering home their and their candidates views, trying to convince anyone to vote for their person.

Here at Krikorian Writes we would like to single out one of those front line workers because we know him, Ralph Waxman.

Waxman, a community activist, comedian, Osteria Mozza server and a kind, decent, goodhearted human being with a mind that frequents the gutter, has been working the streets of Arizona, going door-to-door, getting warmth and harassment. getting hugs and threats, and getting his word across that America needs Joe Biden.

I’ve singled out Waxman among the tens of thousands of workers who make this campaign happen and made it successful because he’s a friend, he works for my girlfriend, he’s dedicated to helping the downtrodden, loves Bruce Springsteen and, perhaps most importantly, because I owe him a few bucks.

But, it is those Waxmans of America that helped win this election for Generals Biden and Harris, for Colonels Abrams and Lewis, for all those other famous folks you know of and who urged you to vote for the Democrats. Its is those Ralph Wamans who fought the battle in the trenches. They fought it and won.

THREE CHILDREN WAIT OUT THE KARABAKH WAR IN A STEPANAKERT BOMB SHELTER

4 November, 2020

According to the United Nations Refugee Agency, three children I visited earlier this week are not war refugees. That’s because although they were forced to flee their homes because of war, they did not cross into another country. Instead, they went across town to a solid structure with a reinforced basement that can better protect them from falling bombs than their own dwelling could.

With their mother leading the way, they fled their home in Stepanakert, the capital of Karabakh, where war erupted the morning of September 27.  For the past month they have been at this fortified school that doubles as a bomb shelter and a rest stop for soldiers. The children’s father, a baker, has stayed at his bakery making bread for the troops.

Officials estimate at least 60% of the region’s population of roughly 150,000 have left their homes because of the war, some to the homes of family in Yerevan, some to abandoned buildings, some to a building that can take the punch of an explosion better than their own home.

Compared to those squalid camps you may have seen from the war in Syria, this converted school is not miserable, but the heart still aches, especially when you see your own family in the faces of these “non-refugees.”

The first two I meet, a 6-year-old Maneh and her sister Mary, 9, remind me a lot of my own family. Maneh is the name of my goddaughter, my nephew Mesrop Ash’s daughter and Mary is a live ringer for my cousin Greg and Lorenza’s daughter Francesca. I stare into their face and envision my goddaughter and niece in a bomb shelter. It is a sad vision. Maneh and Mary are sitting on a bed, staring at a hot plate warming a large pot of Tanabur (aka Spas), a traditional Armenian yogurt soup with wheat berries and herbs.   

When I start asking questions, first of Maneh and then of Mary, they have that unblinking stare that seems to say ‘unless you are my mother or bringing me some food what could you possible say to interest me?” It’s not a mean look at all. It’s adorable and sweet, but it definitely says “you’ve got nothing for me.”  Mary’s looks says: I am in a rough situation here, I’m dealing with suicide drones and you’re asking questions? Really?   

Little does she know that although I might not have anything for her, it turns out I do have something for her little brother.

As Mary stares, with a seemingly permanent smile, Edward, 5, wearing pants and a sweater, comes up to us and starts singing. He is wearing the world’s cheapest sun glasses, worse than the type you get after your eyes are dilated. I reach into my computer bag and pull out my sunglasses and tell them all a story, which my fellow journalist Angelika translates.   

“These sunglasses have been with me in my darkest hours. In the worst times they have brought me comfort. When I cry,  I put them on and no one can see my tears. And when I sing I put them on and I look cool. I want you to have them.”   

I hand them to Edward who slowly takes them after looking at his sisters, then puts them on with much enthusiasm, Maneh has to straighten them. Edward beams and swings from side to side. He looks like a 6-year old Armenian Ray Charles. And then he starts to sing.  Lika translates.

I was a violet in a garden.

And you were a dream

You were born on a dark night

But now you are a violet only for me.

As Lika translates for me, I wish I had those sunglasses back. Edward hands them back to me, but I let him know they are for him to keep. I look over at his sister Mary. She’s still staring, but I think I catch her nod ever so slightly. I think I showed her something.

As we leave, without my sunglasses, I hug them all goodbye. I stick my hand out to Edward and he slaps it hard. Kid got cool fast.

And to come clean, those sunglasses never hid my tears. I bought them last week in Yerevan.

And don’t let the United Nations fool you. These kids and the tens of thousands of others, around the world, are all refugees. Seek out an organization you trust and help them out.